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It's my oldest sons 19th birthday today...I'm so proud of the man he's become and I love him and all my kids with all my heart. They are my life, I would do anything for them.
Today I got an email from an atty that my AH obtained today, it was a pretty nasty email, that made me break down and cry. I was shocked by it and called the atty that I just obtained (with luck I might add) and they called her, I guess that's harrassment and she was not supposed to do that. Anyway, in her email she states that "I understand that you have made some allegation against him regarding alcohol abuse" It never ceases to amaze me how he goes back and forth on denial with his problem. And he knows that I have 15 years worth of TONS of documenation on his severe alcohol abuse, so apparently he didn't tell her this.
My problem is Colorado is a no fault state, they only care that both parents are in the kids lives and pareting. I'm all for this...but only if my AH is sober and healthy, and right now he's living an hour away, with people who drink with him, and its all around a very unhealthy environment. His atty is not agreeing with my parenting plan where I claim I dont want my kids overnight in that environment, and that if he does want them overnight, he needs to address his alcoholism and reside within our city and not an hour away. He's convinced where he lives (with his girlfriend I might add) is totally ok.
I'm so scared for my kids, if they are away from me like that, I can't protect them if he goes on a bender or whatever...but it sounds like it's all up to the judge, and if I get a judge who doesn't really care..and all he cares about is the dad being in their lives, my kids may be put in a dangerous situation where i can't help them if they are an hour away! I can't believe this, and I can't believe the law can't protect our kids from alcoholism.....I'm a complete wreck and basketcase with worry over what is going to happen.
He's lying about anything any everything, including money, claiming that his employer, his girlfriends mom (mind you..all these people are all related to this small company..the gf's mom is the mother in law of the owner/boss...UGH) So they all are claiming they have loaned him money that he suddenly is having to pay back... All lies to show that he's got bills, which he has none since they pay for his gas, his truck, his insurance and his phone. I've been covering EVERYTHING ELSE. I dont get it, how can he get away with all this, and why does it seem the alcoholic always gets whatever they want? Things always seem to go their way???? :(
-- Edited by sdisnie on Tuesday 17th of November 2009 01:26:59 AM
Hopefully, your atty will know how to handle it. She/He could subpoena his so called bills from companies which would show who pays them. You aren't paying the atty to let you get taken.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
People try to lie in this kind of situation all the time -- your attorney should be familiar with it. And the court and the judge should be alert to the possibility, which I hope your attorney will spell out for them. It is great that you have tons of documentation. Use it. It's infuriating that alcoholics lie so much, but then again, it's what they do. I don't mean this to sound harsh, but there's no reason he would stop now. He's still crazy! When a relative of mine went through this, the judge even levied penalties on the lying party for misrepresenting things to the court. So courts can take this in hand.
I can soo relate. It's hard. Really hard at times. My son is only 2 so if daddy is drunk my son wont know a difference to call me or someone or do something...
I've worried and obsessed about what if the judge just doesn't understand alcoholism? What if they just send him to treatment then give him visitation? He's completed treatment many times with no success especially since it's always court ordered. He isn't ready to quit and I'm not sure he ever will. And why should this have to affect my sons safety and me staying up all night worrying?
You know i've obsessed over this, gotten angry, scared, worried, worried and obsessed some more. But really right now today what good is all this obsessing, worrying and getting angry doing me? It makes it harder for me to think it makes me go more crazy than I already am. For 2 weeks this is ALL I thought about. And it's like it just brings me down more worrying about it alllll the time.
I finally had to say to myself this is what I have against him. This is why it's unsafe for my son to be around him unsupervised. I have an HP, my son has an HP and A has an HP. If he does get visitation honestly legally there is NOTHING I can do about it. There is a reason HP will be giving him visitation I feel. I don't think HP will do this without a reason. I may never know the reason. But when the time comes IF it doesn't go my way I have to accept it. What more can I do? Besides worry and obsess some more?
You just have to do all you can to prove your case and then as hard as it is give it up to HP. And once I get a court date and it gets closer I will worry and obsess some more Im sure. I do now at times but after doing the foot work and knowing what I had to prove and what evidence I had I did feel a bit better. Still scared of course. But I did and am doing all I can so basically it's "out of my hands" for now. And I don't even have a court date yet...he still has yet to take paternity test (whole different subject im not getting into). They are selfish and they lie..
If you have our daily reader ODAAT open it up to November 10th. It helps me.
-- Edited by Melissa21 on Tuesday 17th of November 2009 02:48:11 AM
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"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
I know how easy it is to project what it going to happen, but the truth is, it hasn't happened yet and it very well may not. Finding out all this info now is actually a blessing in that now you can step forward and get all the documentation you need to prove your case. Attorneys are not always right (the harrassment already proves that), especially when they are going on the information provided by an active alcoholic.
My brother is an alcoholic in CO and has 5 kids. My sis-in-law called the police two years ago when he wouldn't let them leave one night (he fiddled with the car) and scared the kids, and I tell you what, he has been paying for it ever since! He will be ending his 2 yr probation next month. Although I feel it was very unfortunate that they did not order him to rehab, he had to go to alcohol education classes, parenting classes, and counseling. He has some type of drug testing. He cannot leave the state. His visitation with the kids is one night per month. When he did not pay child support, they took his drivers license. It is all very sad and unfortunate, but my brother paved his own path. Only 10 years ago he was an incredibly well-respected and devoted family man.
Get a good attorney and be faithful. You can do this.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Good Golly sdisnie!!!! Your ex's situation souds just like mine!!! Except my x and his gf moved 3 blocks away from me!! He worked for GF and GF's mom and family housed them and paid for everything. EVERYTHING. and yes, I still can't imagine having one of my kids bring home a man, a grown man, who has 4 kids whom he chooses not to see, not pay support, doesn't have a job, who's CURRENT WIFE (at the time we were still married) has a no contact restraining order on him....I cannot imagine looking at my 40 something kid and saying "Good catch! How about I support him?" Blech.
As far as the custody situation goes, I had it written right into my divorce decree that he could only have supervised visitation because of his long history of drug abuse and physical abuses of me. The judge asked him if he was ok with that and he just agreed. After that, it was up to us to agree who would be acceptable supervisors of him and our kids. He ofcourse wanted anyone he ever met to supervise. I said no to everyone because they were all drunks, drug addicts or mentally ill. I would only agree to a neutral thrid party service which he had to pay for. It was a very small amount. Maybe 10 dollars a visit. Yeah, he lost interest in the kids after 2 visits. That still breaks my heart.
But whatever it takes to keep my kids safe. Whatever. He isn't safe and I know he knows he isn't safe. If the old him could see the new him, he wouldn't allow himself to be anywhere near our kids. If that makes sense :)
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Do what you need to and let God take care of the rest. And no, the system does not recognize the damage an alcoholic will do to their own children. Unless there is some sort of tradgey and even then, alcoholism is not recognised as a serious disease in court. I gues I am lucky that my ex's drug of choice is crack cocaine. That scares the bejeezus out of the legal system.
Hang in there. Your kids need you to keep them safe, so stay sane and work this program, vent, take care of yourself. You will get through this and the outcome will be what it is supposed to be.
stay strong and insist that his alcohol problems be brought into the picture , yur not contesting the divorce your fighting for your children big difference . and as Chrisy suggested have him produce the bills he claims to have . again child support is another matter all together . Hang in there fight for your rights to keep your children safe . Louise
