Out of my Head... - Al-Anon Family Group

Jozie · ~*Service Worker*~

Out of my Head...

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

Jozie,

My ES&H for these matters are ... don't take it all on or in. I know it sounds difficult, but for the most part I have done it all summer.
I have done only what I felt I needed to do and had limited involvement. I could write a novel over this summer's events. I have flown or driven to 4 states at least 6 times.

There has been the death of my favorite Uncle, his funeral, Mom's brain surgery and placement in a nursing home, my Grandson arrested, doing drugs, in mental health facilities, juvie and rehab at 15 yrs old, friends with drama, daughters with drama...the list goes on and on, that's just the biggies and only scratches the surface.

I have gotten through it by a form of detachment. It is not mine to take on. Yes, I care greatly about these people but if I attach my head and heart to each and every thing and involve myself to the degree that I live and breathe it, I couldn't function.

I used to have the mindset that everything was happening "to me" and take it all on. Now, I use a form of detachment, similar to what I was told about my A's drinking when I was told "he is not drinking at me".
Nothing that has happened and is still happening is directed "at me". It is all happening to other people. I can be caring and concerned but I refuse to woller in it, live in it and absorb it.

Even with my Mother's brain surgery, of course I had some fear that something would go wrong but I placed her care in HP's hands the best I could. I didn't talk about it much, only somewhat to close friends, because that would get me all wrapped up in the fear and the "what ifs?"
That kind of fear really has no purpose. If I told people, they would (because they care) continually ask me what was happening and draw me in to the fear...and I just can't go there.

Someone hinted that I was in denial when I wouldn't talk about all this stuff. Whatever...I can't control what they think. There is a big difference between detachment and denial. I have just HAD to realize I AM OK, my life is OK. I can't control what swirls around me but I can keep myself grounded and not hop in to the tornado.

Christy

-- Edited by Christy on Monday 16th of November 2009 12:41:12 PM

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

That cartoon came into my mind,"You need an unlisted life Charlie Brown."

A's family was like this. Looks like it destroys people. What happened to if you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all?

Most the time there is no drama in my life. I avoid it big time. Too many good things to glean.

Serenity prayer comes to mind. In all this stuff you had to listen to, could you change anything? Did it do any good for you?

I know when I was overwhelmed, the phone was turned off. If something needed me bad enough, they know where I live. Had to do this to survive. All that stress kills us.

Serenity does not just happen, for me it came from learning what to take on and what not to.

Learned it was ok to take naps, not answer the phone, fall asleep with my cloths on, not go somewhere that nothing would change if I did or not.

Really looked at what and who I wanted in my life and what part do they play? What and who do I want to support?

It may be insane, but there is no profanity here at Eden, no yelling, no bitterness, no fighting. It is about healing, and soaking in the beauty and taking a break. Chose to make a home a healing place.

Your avatar shows you are esoteric. free spirited? Do you ever make things? Like gather old colored bottles, hang them from a tree to make chimes? I know for me, being creative helps me. My tree is singing right now. (o:
Anyway I am glad you have your bike to get away. Also very glad you unloaded and vented it, throw that crap away! love,debilyn

Jozie · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks guys... Yes I work Detachment everyday of my life, and I know i am no were near were I could be, but I am gettin better...Just the fact that i let them speak it all out now with out sayin a word and then thro in once in a while, "Well thats sucks", or " Sorry to Hear that", and for me that is Progress... Baby steps I suppose... It just seems like when it rains it pours with ALL of them...

I haven't "Spoken" to my Abrother since about July when his children left for FL... He will text me from time to time to tell me of his New Phone # or something ,but that is about the extent of our relationship... I know that i am not strong enough yet to allow him to be who he is and have him in my life on a daily/weekly basis.. .and thats ok... but with the holidays coming, dads death, dads birthday this week, loosing yet another to the disease... I suppose i am just feeling OVERWHELMED...

Thanks guys for your support, I sure can use what I can get, and I can always count on MIP to see me thru... so Thank you all :)

Love & Prayers to all

Jozie

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Jozie,

I am so sorry for the death of another close friend This disease is deadly. I will light a candle ytoday as I stop in church.

I am reallly impressed with your 150 mile ride!!!! smile

That had to be great for your spirit and your immediate family togetherness!!!

I am also glad your A brothers children called you and ressured you that they were OK. Great news.

Sorry about the meeting Hope you can find another place soon. We have them in schools and church basements and sometimes peoples homes Good Luck setting up a new meeting. That is always exciting.

The rest of the stuff is just your family, like mine doing their thing. Yes it is upsetting and at times we need to vent and I am glad you are detaching and taking care of you.

Have a Blessed Day

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.