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My AH and I are going through a divorce...he's living an hour away with his girlfriend, he's a severe binge drinker, over the past 16 years, he's been in rehab 4 times, and the hospital so many times I'm not even sure of, he was just in the hospital due to binging twice in August and once in Oct of this year alone.
I was just informed by him that he wants to go for 50/50 custody, because he said he'll never have enough money to live on and he wants to buy a house someday.
I'm ready to freak out about this, although I truly dont think there is anyway he could get awarded half custody due to all the documentation of his horrible drinking problems...but I'm doubting myself...I'm truly scared. Any advice or answers??
Well my situation is quite similar other than we are not and were never married. I have been worrying about it a lot lately, but after talking it over I basically had to let it go and let my HP take care of it.
I've done the footwork. I can't afford a lawyer so I will get legal aid once I get a court date. But until then nothing. He even refused to sign birth certificate to get out of child support over the summer so last week I did a paternity test.
What am I doing now ? Printing off his jail records of DWI's and such documents like that. To prove he is an alcoholic you can't just walk into court tell the judge he's an A and expect them to believe you. I did do a online chat with a lawyer I had to pay for and they basically told me that I have to write a list of why it's in the best interest of my son (to get supervised visits only is what im goign for) and then proof of my reasons why. Im slowly working on this since court wont be for awhile. I write down every time he calls what we discussed, every time he comes over, anything he buys my son with times and dates.
Take things one day at a time. Just for today I have full custody of my son. And if the day comes where my son has to go to his father unsupervised then I know HP is doing this for a reason I just may not understand right now.
Melissa
-- Edited by Melissa21 on Thursday 12th of November 2009 08:08:12 PM
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"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
Document EVERYTHING. Any court or police records, and times the police were called (I just told the judge about those times, I didn't need the paper proof as it was public record) and stay calm. The court wants to do what is best for the child. If they see a hysterical parent, they tend to tune out.
You can explain that your ex has stated to you that his desire for 50/50 is to avoid paying child support. Do you have a lawyer?
And I do agree with what Melissa said to let go and let God. But do the footwork. Do whatever you have to to keep your child safe. And then remember HP is there for your child also.
It will cost him money to have the kids 50% of the time, so he is fooling himself if he thinks it will save him money.
My lawyer had me keep track of expenses and draw up a list of everything it cost to raise my child: clothes, shoes, coats, food, gas to take him to school, car seat, school supplies, doctor's appointments, vaccinations, eye doctor, glasses, school field trips, a lamp for his room, babysitting, etc etc etc. Even a two-bedroom apartment instead of a one-bedroom if you're living in an apartment. I also kept track of all my other expenses, to the dime. As you might expect, it costs a lot to raise a kid, and it was a big percentage of my expenses. So say it costs $1000 a month to raise your child. (I'm just pulling a number out of thin air as an example.) In that case it would cost your ex $500 a month to do 50% of that. (Times two, for two kids, or whatever.) You might just point that out to him calmly, or have your lawyer do that. I understand that parents angling for custody just to get out of payments often back down when they realize the realities of what they'd be getting into.
If you have the documentation about his drinking, I would be extremely surprised if he got shared custody. I know it's nervewracking. Do what you have to to protect your kids and try to let it go until the court date.
Shanda, I think you have some great ESH above my reply. I am at the beginning stages of this...so I am getting ESH for me to..thank you for posting this.
You're in my prayers.
Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
Again show up in court with your documented trips of his hospital visits and say NO . And who really cares if he has enough money to buy a house ? perhaps he should have thought of that awhile ago . theyare his children and he is expected to help support them . somehow everything always ends up about them . How sick is it that he wants 50 =50 so he will have extra money ,not because he wants to spend more time with his kids . damn I hate this disease.
