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level.
What a shock. There I was thinking he was tucked away on his caribbean island with his argentinian pole dancer (although his nephew had told me it was on the rocks I treated it as heresay). Anyway, hes been emailing old work colleagues/friends asking if there is any work back here. OMG what on earth would he want to come back here for, he burnt his bridges, gave up his business, never got in touch with anyone for 10 months, let a lot of work people down, hes a builder and had ongoing and new jobs which he just left behind and now for some reason he seems to think he can just turn back up as if nothing has happened. He also owes money to people in various bars....they might be pleased to see him but it would kill me to have him here, its a small town. Anyway, luckily his emails were fruitless as the response was, mate youve let everyone down, there is no work for you here. I do hope this has stopped him in his tracks, but he went off to start a new life, he really cant start here again, pick a place any place, just not here. It seems as if he just cant see that his actions have been in anyway a problem, his own sister told me she was 99% sure he would be too much of a coward to come back here...seems not. I am hoping and praying he goes back to london where he was before he came to this town and turned my life upside down. Just another episode in the many episodes that keep me from moving forward as i would wish...I wondered why my friend asked me if I had ever changed the locks.. a leftfield question I thought, that was before I found this out. Now Im scared I will bump into him or he will turn up with some practical excuse, like he wants his mothers chair or something, I knew I should not have left any stone unturned when he went. Oh dear oh dear. I at least felt safe to go about my life without the awful nearness of an ex Alcoholic AH, now my luck may be running short. My empathy was always so much with those who had to face this, I really don't want to. Thank you for letting me rant. Lilly
Lilly, this is an opportunity to use your program. You hav to put blinders on and focus on YOU, ignore what he is doing or is not doing, set boundaries for yourself, change the locks, and keep re-directing your mind to YOU. You cant change or control him and u dont want him to be in your life, and u dont have to. Following boundaries will help you and will protect you.
If u continue to focus on ur A, u will continually feel helpless, out of control and crazy and it feeds the disease, focus on YOU and program, it is salvation.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Thank you both, yes, it is up to me, you are right, he is not in control of my life, I am, what he does doesnt matter, I just wish he would do it where i can't see him....Whilst I hated that I thought he was having a happy life with new woman, at least it didnt actually feel like it affected my day to day life. Of course, he may well not come back now if there is no work promised, he must be very skint, but you just never know with an A, couldnt have been more surprised that cheltenham was somewhere he would want to return to...Let him do whatever, I will continue living my life. Its my 50th birthday tomorrow and ive been running round like a headless chicken preparing for my party. Im quite excited, have some wonderful friends coming and i wont have to worry about AH getting difficult, offensive or disappearing cos our company isnt good enough and he would prefer to shoot the breeze with strangers and losers in some bar. Great, Im really looking forward to it....apart from the being 50 bit!!
Thanks again, your words lift me up and keep me going in the right direction.
I found for me I simply could not have any contact whatsoever with anyone associated with the EXAH. It was bad enough that he would call me with his threats and manipulations. That was back before caller ID so I would always answer the phone. Those calls sent me into a tailspin for days, filled with anxiety and dread. I projected all those things that 'might' happen in the future.
When my sponsor suggested I hang up on him as soon as I answered and realized it was him, I thought surely it couldn't be that simple! Actually, it was, though I felt a tremendous sense of guilt the first few times that I did. I had to walk through the discomfort of doing something different to get past it.
Through the years I have worked very hard on staying in the moment because that is so much easier to handle than projecting into the future, and the anxiety has gone away.
All I have is the moment in front of me, and I want to do the best that I can to live in it.
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
What a shock. There I was thinking he was tucked away on his caribbean island with his argentinian pole dancer (although his nephew had told me it was on the rocks I treated it as heresay). Anyway, hes been emailing old work colleagues/friends asking if there is any work back here. OMG what on earth would he want to come back here for, he burnt his bridges, gave up his business, never got in touch with anyone for 10 months, let a lot of work people down, hes a builder and had ongoing and new jobs which he just left behind and now for some reason he seems to think he can just turn back up as if nothing has happened. He also owes money to people in various bars....they might be pleased to see him but it would kill me to have him here, its a small town. Anyway, luckily his emails were fruitless as the response was, mate youve let everyone down, there is no work for you here. I do hope this has stopped him in his tracks, but he went off to start a new life, he really cant start here again, pick a place any place, just not here. It seems as if he just cant see that his actions have been in anyway a problem, his own sister told me she was 99% sure he would be too much of a coward to come back here...seems not. I am hoping and praying he goes back to london where he was before he came to this town and turned my life upside down. Just another episode in the many episodes that keep me from moving forward as i would wish...I wondered why my friend asked me if I had ever changed the locks.. a leftfield question I thought, that was before I found this out. Now Im scared I will bump into him or he will turn up with some practical excuse, like he wants his mothers chair or something, I knew I should not have left any stone unturned when he went. Oh dear oh dear. I at least felt safe to go about my life without the awful nearness of an ex Alcoholic AH, now my luck may be running short. My empathy was always so much with those who had to face this, I really don't want to. Thank you for letting me rant. Lilly
