The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When ever hubby and I have fall out it comes down to, in his eyes, to who's right and who's wrong, I feel like I always do one of two things here really, I spend half my life defending myself and the other half trying to explain my reasoning, he calls me Mary Poppins, perefct in every way, I am trying to learn how to express myself without it becoming personal, I guess we all have our own little ways and mine is to do what is best for me and the outcome, when you attack someone personally they attack back, when you smile usually peeps smile back, ever waved to someone you thought you knew as you drove past only to turn it into scratching your head, because you didn't know them, but they still waved lol!
I think that saying is very true, you can use words to build up or break down! I don't mean to patronise or be judmental, I have learnt from experience you don't get the best out of people when you treat them badly, practice practice practice!
1. Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean. The trick to this I think is to express yourself kindly and honestly then let go of the A's reaction.
2. JADE - you don't have to Justify Argue Defend or Explain anything.
3. Would you rather be right or happy/How Important Is It?
4. THINK - is what I want to say Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary and Kind? This has helped me a LOT over the years - if something I want to say doesn't meet all of these conditions, then I don't say it until it does (most of the time - I'm only human, so I slip from time to time ).
This is something that I have struggled with for a long time - all I wanted was to be heard and validated by my AH. It still hurts to have the tables turned on me and be blamed for things that were beyond my control, but I have learned that going to an A for this type of emotional support and understanding really is like going to a hardware store for bread - it's simply not there. And sometimes I get a not so gentle reminder about this LOL.
So I come here, got to meetings and talk to program friends to get the validation and emotional support that I need.
Good Morning! I totally relate to your post. When you walk around smiling, people wonder what you are smiling about and smile back. Attitudes are contegious. Today, mine is worth catching. Sincerely, Tonya
I hear you I have been called Mary Poppins as well!!! I believe it is because I came from the "Glass is half full camp: The negative people in my world see the glass as half empty. Same glass, same amount of liquid It just all depends on your attitude toward life. When I accepted our differences I understand I am entitled to express them and to have my positive attitude. The world is a much more plessant place when I carry a smile . Have a great day everyone
Great Post Katy!!...It brought to mind a perception I've learned here..."Life is a journey, not an issue." We get to walk it the best we can and leave others to their best they can. At one time my program spouse would call me..."Mr. Program" and I had learned how to say thank you to sarcasm. We don't get a whole lot of it anymore either from me or her because it now doesn't work or add up to anything real.
We've learned how to laugh at ourselves, fears and defenses included.
I want to say I hear you too. I could join the Mary Poppins club as well it seems. Part of the reason my ex says he left me was because he said I was "too good" and he didn't deserve me? And I ask "how can anyone on this earth be too good" when all I really believe is that love heals and that is how I live my life!
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