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HI all, I was reading some of my old post and came across this one I am reposting. It really fits where I am right now and even stranger I had spaghetti tonight for dinner (that will make more sense after you read the post I promise ).
Here it is: Hi all,
I was sitting here typing this morning and I saw a movement to my left. I looked over and it was a nice big ol' hairy spider. Ok so my initial reaction was to scream lol (I have seen a spider shudder from a scream of mine before), but I didn't. Something told me to just watch it.
So I sat here watching the spider trying to crawl up my wall and watching it fail to move upward. In fact every movement it made slid him just a bit down the wall. He would then move forward a bit and then once again try to crawl up. His legs were sliding up, but he didn't find what he needed to move himself up.
I then (omg I can't believe this part) wanted to help him. Not move up of course, but to get down so his struggle would be over. Just as I was about to stand up, it hit me. I then saw the spider as my "A". All my "help" never got him anywhere. He needs to move on his own without my help. Getting the spider off my wall could possibly lead to him getting squished. And helping him up could lead to him falling on my head (omg one time one fell off the ceiling and landed on my keyboard, yeah I screamed.) or something worse than falling on my head, which I really don't know what that is.
All I can do is sit back and watch my "A" or not. I took my eyes off the spider and he went on his own little hairy way somewhere. But the point is he still went on his way even though I wasn't watching him.
So I was thinking about this as I was washing up the dinner dishes. And I saw another side to the whole spider. I can be the spider. I am struggling to pull myself up after years of living with the disease. And I do need help to get to where I need to go.
Meetings, literature, my alanon friends, working the steps, and my sponsor are what I can catch myself onto to help me up to where I need to be. I can't get there on my own, I will keep backsliding if I do.
So if I don't want to get squished or land on someone's head I better use my tools.
I think by far this is my strangest post. Hmmm maybe not I am working on one that hit me while making dinner tonight, Alanon is like spaghetti sauce (I am not kidding). LOL so stay tuned.
----------- Ok so I never did post the sauce one..that will be on the board tomorrow at some point. I am getting back to the point were I see recovery everywhere. So you all have been warned....more weird posts from the mind of mandy to come.. I have to post them here...the sound more sane here than in the non-recovery world.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
-- Edited by Mandy123 on Monday 9th of November 2009 08:30:17 AM
__________________
"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
Aloha Mandy...what was weird with that for me was that you could actually tell it was a "he" spider. Then too I guess since you also related to it; it could have been a "she" spideress huh? Weird. I'm waiting for the spaghetti metaphor really....((((hugs))))
Funny how now that in the program I to do things like this, and it is amazing how something, so simple, can change your life if you are really ready to make that change... Now... everytime you see a Spider, this vivid memory will remind you were you are... WONDERFUL...
I too can't wait for the 2nd chapter... My Mom should have been Italian with the amount of Spaghetti we ate growin up... So..... Im lookin forward to your next lesson :0)
Thanks again for sharing... And your Right... Tell someone else this story that isn't in Recovery.... And welp.... Some Funny Farms do PAY to have new experiments.... LOL....
Thanks for the Giggle... Yours in Recovery Love & Prayers
I certainly "Do not want to get squished or land on anyone's head " so, I guess I will follow your recommendation and keep coming back to alanon and picking up the tools you outlined.
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