The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I never could let him go because I wasn't strong enough to say ENOUGH!! When I've had all I can take and show him the door I become ungrateful, heartless and cruel. I've had enough, I'm protecting my boundries. That doesn't make me a bad person. Our lives could be so much better.
I read this great self help book that said NEVER EVER feel guilty for ANYTHING because we all do the best we can with what we know at the moment. Therefore... there is no reason to feel guilty because you did the best you could. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be kind approach people and situations from a place of love and apologize when you later recognize a wrong you have committed but there's no need to feel guilt because you are doing the best you can with what you have at that given moment. This applies to the A too, they are doing the best they can at any given moment it's just that where they are and where you are is two different places on the continuum of awareness.
I can understand about feeling guilty. You sound as if you have a kind generous, compassionate heart which has been directed to the A and everyone else around.
It is hard, but now it is time to turn that understanding and compassion on to yourself and take care of you and your needs first.
Alanon taught me that I am responsible for myself, my needs, my happiness,and my financial security. I always examine my motives to see if I am acting from consturctive motives and not revenge and then I am able to let go of guilt and turn my actions and others over to HP.
