Mary (first names only - anon) built a business in New York from about 20 years ago. As a fellow young professional in the same business, I was first her client, then began to work with her. You see, Mary was a massive workaholic herself, but an incredible role model - building a 20+ million business from nothing - and supporting a lot of people along the way. We had a bunch of successes, then a major falling out. Even before I got anywhere near recovery rooms, I knew I needed to make amends with her and the situation. I sent her a letter, apologized for my part in it, and recanted that I didn't like losing good friends. (I was also friends with many that worked in the office).

Mary responded immediately, invited me up to lunch, and although we didn't 'jump' back to the way things were, things were better and good. Some of Mary's background included a (to my knowledge) A father, and for sure a massively addicted brother, whom she had to cut off from her life. Then, she married an A husband.

On one of my first trips back to NYC after moving away overseas, I met up with Mary on the steps of the New York Public Library. Along the way, I kinda wondered what on earth we would talk about 'I don;t have a lot to say'...I thought. She was chatting with a friend, and was upset. Mary's personality is/was to keep things to herself, sort of, and then overload you with the story (I say humorously). That day, in about five minutes, she told me a huge backlog of a nightmare with the A husband, how she'd hit bottom with it, and told him 'get sober or get out'. It just so happened, this was 'after' I found recovery, and Al Anon. I suggested a meeting - and she went/found one. We didn't really talk about it much from there, except she'd acknowledge program slogans and drive people in the office nuts with them. Mary didn't do anything half way.

On another trip I took my partner to meet her for lunch. who'd actually done a brief internship at her company, at my request. We had Mexican food (she insistedon treating) in Grand Central, and Mary was her usual fabulous, driven, but since program, more tempered self. I felt our relationship was maturing, and my partner just found Mary inspiring.

Earlier this year, I got a very strange bulk email from Mary - she'd sent it to hundreds of her friends and colleagues. In it, she explained she'd rather tell then have rumors, and explained they'd found a benign growth on the outside of her head. She also explained how she'd been going through a very rough time, as she lost a major client when Lehman Brothers went under, and had to watch a lot of her good friends lose their jobs. I was in Paris at the time, and sent her a 'you can do it' card right away.

The next email was from Mary's now recovering husband. Things didn;t go as planned. The tumor was cancerous, had to be removed and then there was some other big internal problem. There's been multiple operations, chemo, and a woman I used to know could walk into a room and get the business card of the President of CBS in about 30 seconds, then be at lunch with him/her the next day - is now, unfortunately very weak, and is very sad, cannot really speak and has had another lump on her ventricle, and although the outlook isn't completely negative, it isn't great either - even with a complete recovery there'll be months of therapy and all that...

Her husband is sticking by her 100%, from the looks of things. Who knew? He needed to get sober to be ready for this. They keep a blog and she wrote/gave an entry recently that she'd actually fell in love with him all over again. Their in there, fighting.

This is one of many stories I could tell...I lost a ton of friends to AIDS, and other things. When I share soemtimes people say to me 'my gosh you've had a lot of loss in your life' which I know 'is' true, but doesn't occur to me really...

If I take anything away from this/identify today, it is 'Just for Today' - not to be cliché, but I am trying to remember that if my head is somewhere else, it might miss Mexican food at Grand Central or something smaller, but equally brilliant that comes from the silence.

take what you like...

peace.