The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My son is 41 diagnosed obsessive compulsive and an alcoholic. He lost his job about a year ago and has been on partial unemployment and working part time. This past weekend I spent hours trying to get him help. He has no insurance so I took him to a firne who is a doctor who told him he needed pyschairist, don't know how to spell it. Gave him someone to see and sent him homw with Zanax to settle his anxieties. I left him with the bottle, big mistake, he proceed to take three get in his truck and go to a bar . Luckily two friends drove him home. I took the pills away from him and told him I would give him one at night to help him sleep. So he sat home and drank all of his roomates beer and then called me for a pill. I said no. To make a long story short, he woke up yesterday morning went to an AA meeting, made an appointment with someone to help him with his mental health issues. I brought him over gor dinner last night and I knew he had had a couple of beers of which I busted him for. He spent the night and I gave him a pill to help him sleep. when I got up this morning he was gone and I had this feeling he had snuck out and went drinking. He called early sober saying he had left about 6:30am because he had work to do to et sent off to the mainland. I gues sno AA meeting. I'm at my wits end and am making myself sick with worry. I know it's his problem, but how do I step away and not worry more. They say in AA on day at a time, my life is one hour at a time. Help
Glad you found us! You can start by looking up alanon in your phone book and attend a face to face meeting and gets some alanon pamphlets and books to read.
How to step away and not worry? There are a few ways to do this. For me it wasn't easy but for my sanity I had to. I am learning how to detach with love (you can google this and read all about it) and to let go. I can't save him, help, him or fix him. It's out of my hands. So when I sit and worry it just brings me down. So I had to stop doing this; which isn't easy. I do slip somedays. We aren't perfect we just have to see that we are getting better by applying the tools we learn here.
Alanon is for us to have serenity, to be happy, to learn how not to sit and worry about our loved ones who have the disease of alcoholism. I have been here less than a year and have learned SOOOOO much.
I hope you keep coming back!
__________________
"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
I did call Alanon for meeting places and times, but so far have not heard back. I've tried so hard to step back and then when he gets drunk he calls me crying saying he has no one to talk to and I am his mother and am suppose to help him. Right now i am a bit peaceful, because I haven't heard from him in a few hours. I am assuming he is working, but I won't know that for sure until he does call.
Thanks again for answering my post. I will look at the site you suggested.
Believe me many of us have been where you are. I would highly suggest you learn how to detach. When the A is out gallavantering turn it over. You have no control over what he will and won't do. He has to want to get sober before he will accept help.
I know that al anon can help you greatly. Give it a month or so, go to as many meetings as you can. Take the focus of him and put it on you for a while He will drink if he wants too no matter what you do.
Welcome Karen, I am glad you have found us. There are many here who have been where you are.
You are his mother, but he is a full grown adult man. It is not your job to fix his problems for him. In Al-Anon you will learn how to draw the line between helping and enabling. You will learn how to detach, take the focus off of him, and manage your own life with serenity turning him over to a loving HP who can help him find help for himself.
I hope you keep coming back here and find a f2f meeting to go to. Al-Anon saved my life. It can save yours too.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I know he is a man, but he acts like he's 20 or younger and puts all the guilt on me. I am just waiting to hear from a woman who will put me in touch with a group. I live on a small island and it takes awhile to get things done here. At least I am trying to focus on me and only hope I can keep it that way until I get to a meeting.
Most A's do put guilt and blame on someone other than themselves; usually those close to them. They do this because they are hurting and if they can put the blame on someone else they will feel a little better.
If you scroll up to the yellow box it says Alanon Group Meeting Chatroom. You could try that out till you hear back from the lady about face to face meetings. There are 2 meetings a day and other than those times it's open chat. Usually someone is in there! Meetings are 8am and 8pm central time.
__________________
"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
Welcome and I'm glad you found the family. We've all been crazy from trying to get at least one and often times more alcoholics to live life the way WE WANT THEM TO....dammit don't they ever get it. (The answer of course is no and they are not supposed to do their life our way.) You got some great responses from the group so far and you have to stick around to get the power and magic and miracles that Al-Anon really has for you and for us.
Just a shortie? It is well known that the alcoholic stops growing and maturing once they let alcohol have control of their lives. If he's acting younger than he actually is it's normal.
Keep coming back and I hope your first meeting was great!! (((((hugs)))))
Thank you so much for your response. I finally have found my first meeting tomorrw night. I feel maybe between you who have reached out to me and a face to face group, I can begin to find the answers,
