Aloha Family...Walking up Sunday just outside of the reach of the flames and bringing
it here one of our membership suggested from her own recovery experiences that I
take a 10step look at it.  That is usually my practice however the suggestion keyed a
deeper 10th step than usual and one of the things that I relearned is that if I just
gloss over how I work this program I will eventually "approach the flames" again.  I
have read that awareness again since Sunday.   So I did a longer deeper 10th on the
event and turned my awareness and of what had happened and what I needed to do
over to my HP so that I would have the strength and trust to incorporate it in my daily
life.  I believe that there are consequences for everything you do and everything you
don't do and some of the consequences become extended lessons. One of the
extended lessons is that Sunday was partially a consequence of procrastination.  I
put off some very needed program work,  calling myself into responsibility and action
"Change action".  What I had put off and left in the corner of what was a much more
messier room was still there when I inventoried.  It had been there for soooo long and
though I was aware that it needed to be taken care of I justified not doing it now.

Was it a part of my enabling personality?  Yes.  Did it involve enabling another person
which resulted in insane consequences and unacceptable results?  Yes extreemly.
Were others threatened, hurt and harmed that would not have happened has I been
a part of it?  Yes.  Was it avoidable?  Though I did not have the healing power of this
program at that time I did have the ability to say no and not participate.  Was it a
defense of someone elses behaviors? NO.  Was there any justification for lettting it
go this long?  No...I'm still working on compassion and love for others as a priority
in my participation in this life and my relationship with my Higher Power.  I am still
learning to care.  Who were the victims?  My High School and its administrative
Staff, another School and it's administrative staff, my family (mother most), the local
police department, the other person I enabled and myself.  What is the honest benefit
of apologizing now?  It is a practice for my own spritual growth and character and if
it is within my HP's will it may be of help to the others I hurt also.

The apologies were emailed last evening.  They had sat in the corner of that room
for 51 years.  There was no reason, way or urgency for me to apologise for what I
had done then that hurt so many people and followed me thru personal criminal
records later on in my life.  The way, the reason and the urgency seed would only
be planted in 1979 when I got here.  The program has fertilized it and often times
it has been the membership that tended to it rather than myself as it happened
this time when another member reminded me that I could benefit if I worked step
10..."Continued to take personal inventory and when I was wrong promptly
admitted it."   What I entertained on Sunday would have resulted in wrongness
and what I did in the past did.  

We support each other and lead each other to spiritual healing and growth.  We
also become more valuable to HP for the others who come here.

Mahalo...MIP, the Al-Anon Family Groups and the instrument my HP used to
direct me back into the room.    (((((((hugs))))))