The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Welp... I know I haven't been of much help to anyone here of late... Including myself, tho I have read some post, I just haven't had the heart to give my 2cents for I am still questioning it on a daily basis at this point...
As most that know me, know... I am comin up on ALOT of 1st in these next couple "Very Tryin" months, and I have made some choices that has not pleased all, but have been for My Own Greater Good for a Change...(or so I thought)
Normally Thanksgiving is held @ my house, has been for about 8-10 yrs now I suppose... And sometimes there would be anywere from 12 to the biggest year 34 people in my house... Tho I LOVE having them all, this year I just didn't feel the "Holiday Spirit" to make it happen.. I know it is an excuse, but it is MINE... It will be 1yr this This Thanksgiving that I lost my Father, and his birthday is 6 days before... I have lost the heart, this year and felt I just needed to take a break from it... Not only that, but with my neice & nephew being in FL. that has takin the wind out of my sail as well for the holidays...
My Daughter in Law, invited us to her house, which she has every year for about 5 and we never went.. .This Year I am graciously Exceptin the Invite... Even plan on spendin the day with my Grandkids while she prepares her feast :0)
The thing that has me rattled is I have EXPLAINED this to EVERYONE in my family... I just want "Down Time" I will do better NEXT Year, if I see fit... However... My "Cody" mom (Who HAS to See Our Faces EVERY Holiday) told me... "Thats Fine Honey, I understand", Well Today she calls to tell me that Thanksgiving this year is goin to be at her house.... I don't know Why this ticks me Off soo bad but it does... She knows I was goin to DIL for Dinner, and now she adding MORE to a day I was just hopin to enjoy with my Grandkids...
My Family... My Side... Has NEVER missed a Holiday together... EVER... And I do love that about "That" part of our family unit, however, why does she tell me, she understands why I don't want to do it.... and then say... Ohhhh Change of plans.... Come HERE 1st... So Just aggravated I guess... I mean, I see my mom MANY times a Week, she passes my house everyday, and stops 90% of the time... Which I love we have that, but sometimes she can be so "Overbarring" I feel like I am in a well and know one can hear me yellin....
I told her I would have to let her know... "Take care of me" and she just got silent... Like I just stole her vocal cords or something... And I'm sure if I had been lookin her in the eye, instead of speakin to her on the phone... she would have been ready to cry .... she is a sensitive NUT...
All I ask for was "Simple" thats it... A little time with NO STRESS.... And just (1) Holiday, I didn't have to be responsible for AT ALL... other then to bring Pumpkin pies to DIL for dinner... Now mom has me bringing "develed eggs, pies, "Something else I can make would be nice too she says"....
I truly need to get back on track with my program... I know this, I FEEL this, I have been "Tryin" to just do daily's to get me back on track, but I need more, I just can't find the energy... Last week I didn't even get to any of my F2F, for no other reason then just feelin strung Out...
I have started to exercise, and make better food choices and such, and I know once I get a flow with it, it will get better, but when you have a house of guys who just don't get my low self esteem, them comin in while I am tryin my best to have 30minutes to my self to excerse, and the comments like "Oh that looks like fun, or Yeah thats goin to work, or WHAT ya Doin that for"... It almost makes me want to thru the towel in on that to...
I really am tryin I am really wantin NOT to be in this place, and I know I am the only one with the power to over see the out come, but my wind has left the sails, and I feel at times like I am sinkin into a bottomless pit and no one to thro me a rope to survive... I have done my Serenity Prayer 100 times a day at times, and "how important is it, and This too shall pass" but currantly I am just down right deflated, aggravated, & pretty much miserable in my own skin...
The topper for last week was, after a great evennin with my son Sat. we saw a kid I went to school with, (Well I say kid, He was 32...lol) Had'nt seen him in prob. 15yrs... My boy and Myself talked to him in the local $1 store, he was dressed in custume (He was "Class Clown" in school so it fit him...) get'n ready to go to a halloween party with some friends and their family's... The Very next day... Sunday... He was Killed on a 4 wheeler .... That just has me in Auhhhh.... I hadn't seen him in 15 yrs, then see him, speak to him, and now he's GoNE... just like that... so I think with that, and all this Holiday "Crap" , Dad's Death, Dad's birthday, kids being absent, Mom bein a MAJOR "Cody", ... I am just in DIER need of some ESH... Love, Inspiration... Something... Anything at this point... Maybe even someone to just tell me I'm NOT GOIN CRAZY... I don't know the answer I just know I need to find one REALLY SOON...
aha Jozie , is there a chance that u can exercise at a local gym , or ywca get some away time for yourself and out of the house ,meet new people ? Yoga is good for stress find a class , do it for you and u get skinny as a bonus . hehe Your right people don't always like the changes and choices we make but they will adjust eventually , hang in there keep the boundaries firmly in place and enjoy the holiday as planned . take care of you , your gonna be fine . Louise
Jozie, I feel ya!! I have been overwhelmed myself lately, to the point that even talking to people is an effort. I just need to wrap my mind around what is going on. I've decided I'm not doing one darn thing that I don't want to that miight add to the stress. I'm powerless over the things that are happening in my life, but I'm human and have great concern..let alone it has me traveling again and I'm bustin butt to make arrangements, see that my dogs are cared for and my son gets on the plane for his hunting trip with his Dad in my absence.
I have two different close relatives, one in the hosp now and one going in for very serious major surgery. Of course they couldn't even be in the same state. As if I didn't do enough traveling this summer due to my Uncle's illness and death. I've had to remind myself that "No" is a complete sentence and I'm not responsible for other's reactions. I'm not in the mind frame to baby or explain to anyone.
p.s. The good thing about telling Moms "no" is that they will love you anyway.
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I am so sorry for the loss of your childhood friend. A Sudden passing is extremely upsetting especially when you had just reconnected.
Missed you on the board and am glad you trusted us enough to share where you are coming from. Naturally you are feeling down. The Holidays are difficult even when there has been no drastic changes in the family. This First Holiday Season without your Dad will be very hard for you.
I am glad you saw that you needed a change and made arrangements to go to your DIL. It is upsetting not to be heard by the family. Been there done that.
Drawing boundries and changing in a codependent family is very hard because everyone wants the status quo. You have already planned the holiday Possibly you could stop in at moms with a pie just to wish everyone a great Holiday and then move on to the DIL.
Isolating is what we do best. Withdrawing not participating shutting down comes easy for us.
That is why recovery tools include gettting out making meetings, making alanon calls. Be gentle with yourself. This is going to be hard We take steps forward and a few back but we continue to progress. You are doing fine
We cannot be happy all the time. You know where to come so as to be heard and acknowledged and loved. You are not alone
I will remember your friend and you in my paryers. -- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 20th of October 2009 01:25:48 PM
-- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 20th of October 2009 01:29:10 PM
Hey Chick-sorry you are feeling so rough, but you are right This too shall pass-I promise. Main thing is to do what you are doing-TAKE CARE OF YOU!! That has to be a top priority for you right now. Secondly........meeting FRIDAY night-you need to be there-I don't care if you go in your pj's....I'll wear mine too:) but be there. This is what happens to me every single time I miss a meeting......I tell myself one week can't matter that much-OH YEAH IT CAN!
Holiday are always a hard time of year for me,,,,I know this year that is going to change because I am going to change it....But it takes time. Don't push yourself so hard......time to be gentle and take care of you right now. It's ok to be sad, its ok to miss your dad, and it's ok to just want to have a day to you, just feel what you need to feel, don't fight it, and it will pass, in His time-not yours......You don't have to justify or explain that to your mom or anyone else........it is your right to put you first for a change.
As for exercising and the negative feedback when you try......all I'll say there is look at the source....Is it a person who values and cares about their own personal appearance? If not.......who cares what they think.........again it is about YOU!
Take care of you girl....... shelly
__________________
Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
(((((Jozie)))))...This reminds me of "Practice Time". I'm facing stuff that is causing me a loss of serenity and I get to feeling insane. I need to practice, "Letting it Go and Letting it and me go to God." I need to practice "keep it simple" and trusting that both will work with and for me as I make my own choices which seem (only seem) to be disturbed by the world not running my way. I want my way and I should have my way. I must make the choices and take the action to having my way rather than turning myself over to accidents and consequences I don't have a part in. Either way I will be in acceptance including the acceptance that I can make my choices with and in peace with myself and others. "It's okay and I am also." Life is short and for me (now with the program) best lived within meaning and under the guidance of my best relationship with my HP. No one and nothing else is my Higher Power I can be and am responsible.
its your right to say 'no' to something you are uncomfortable with. and you cant control how your mother will feel about this. you can only control your emotions. when she says 'you should..' thats her opinion. in her world, you 'should' do this or that, but its not a fact. what is a fact is you dont feel up to it this year. follow the facts and dont feel guilty about opinions. =)
__________________
sticking feathers up your butt doesnt make you a chicken.
