The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just read a few posts and realized this IS the place of mom's of addicts. My son has been an addict for the past 10 years. He is 27 years now. I read the post about giving it over to my HP. That's what I've done over the years--harder said than done. I give him over to my HP, then I take all my worry, guilt, fear back again from my HP. My son had been sober for several years and relapsed on and off over the past couple of years. Recently, it has become so much harder because he has a 4 year old son--my precious Grandson--who my son uses as a pawn and as a vehicle to hurt me. My mother has enabling down to a T. My son lives in one of her houses rent free, etc. He, his sig. other and my mother (his grandmother) recently had a birthday party for my grandson's 4th birthday & neither I nor my husband was invited. I haven't seen my Grandson in over a month and I miss him so much. Over the past year, my son and my mother have got on the band wagon again and continue to blame me for my son's addiction. Apparently, I was a horrible mother---yet neither I or my husband or his brother remember the things he is accusing me of. I'm so tired of trying to explain my parenting, being excluded from family activities because my mom and my son want to hurt me. Recently, I decided to take myself out of the equation to keep my sanity--but I'm having so much difficulty being away from my Grandson. Yet, I don't want to be held hostage because I fear being away from my Grandson. My Mom and my son convince me on occasion that I AM a horrible person. I have another son who thank god hasn't fallen prey for my mothers manipulation and isolation from me techniques. I am TRULY powerless over all this and I feel so powerless of it all and of my emotions. I wasn't even told when my Grandson was born. Instead, my mom called me two weeks after he was born to tell me that she was there for the birth and saw my son hold his first born for the first time. I honestly feel like I am going crazy. Even though we've been dealing with this for a decade, everytime we are excluded from an important event, I feel devastated. Recently, I was on deaths door for about a month with H1N1 and my husband told my addict son that he should call me because I was so sick. Neither he or his significant other called me. I am so happy to have a safe place to share all my feelings and hopefully grow to understand me better and lead a more fulfilling and healthy life with or without my son, grandson. Thank you for listening. I'm desperate for my recovery.
I am so sorry that you are in such pain. Welcome to Alanon and MIP. You can find help and recovery here.
We have on line meetings 2xs a day and 24/7 hour chat. Please check the white pages of your telephone directory and call the alanon number listed. You will be given a listing of face to face meetings in your area.
Meetings, Literature (you will find at the meetings), the 12 steps, and slogans will help restore you to peace and give you consructive tools to deal with the difficulities that alcoholism brings to our lives.
I'm so sorry for everything you've been dealing with over the years. You seem like a very strong woman to me. Try not to take all the hurtful things that are said and done to you personally - this is a disease and it's the disease talking.
Try to make it to some face-to-face meetings in your area. I know they were a life saver for me when I started going. And of course you can always come here to vent - I find MIP to be a wonderful resource.
Aloha Sheila Welcome and glad you are here. I understand what you're saying and I understand it as being normal and expected in the disease of alcoholism and addiction. It is a part of my current condition however doesn't bother me anymore because I've been around for a while. The disease is nasty at best. People involved without a program of recovery live in and with insanity and think they are normal. Insanity is normal for the disease and I won't try to tell you "pooh pooh" it will pass or let it pass. I had to learn to let go of family that I wanted to love more but was unable to get past the wall of alcoholism to do that which included my own children also. What worked for me was the white pages of the local telephone book where I was living at the time. I had gone crazy enough and was suicidal enough that I called those to numbers without luck as at one they were all out to lunch (maybe figuratively also) and the other no one was available either. Unknowingly I had an HP at that time who directed me to the hotline number of Al-Anon and I was able to talk life to an angel I have never met who helped save my life. I got led to open Al-Anon meetings and the enormous amout of literature that was there for my reading. There were over 20 people maybe there that knew where I was and what I was going thru and they told me so and listened to me confirm it all. They asked me to keep coming back and to go to 90 meetings in 90 days and I did that and still do 3 decades later. I love my family...from afar because that way I can love them best. When I am with them they act out the disease and I cannot relate anymore. It's not only about the drinking. Alcoholism has its own character and personality which I have been a part of long enough. My HP has the situation now when I am with them and apart from them. It's best for us all.
I am responsible for my life today and someday will need to surrender it back to the HP who gave it to me. I life I got was a gift to me and what I do with it is a Gift to God. I try not to let anyone, anywhere interfer with that.
Thank you so much to everyone for your support and direction. Feels good to have people who understand from experience. I will find meetings in my area and return here as well. Bless you all!
My mom is a looney, probably A. The Queen of manipulation. The first time I decided not to go to hers for CHristmas, the world didn;t end. The first time I didn;t get invited to something, oh man the quiet. But then: OH MAN THE QUIET! yippee!
My take: I don;t go to the rodeo if I don;t want to get trampled.
My experience: When you get off the 'Merry Go Round' those playing the head games eventually go 'hey, where did everybody go'. ANd then start finding you...
"The situation is BOUND to change, as we change ourselves..."
WHen I've been there... 'don;t go crazy, go to a meeting'.
take what you like...
peace
-- Edited by alanonicScotland on Friday 23rd of October 2009 08:59:29 AM
