The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Both my husband and my son are heavy drinkers and I'm not coping very well. I think my husband is an alcoholic and my son is following close in his footsteps. They can't seem to help themselves inspite of all the urgings I've given them...I know I was in the wrong, it's useless to try and change them, but I'm learning, they can't seem to help themselves? They party or drink every weekend sometimes 2-3 xs a week for the last 10 yrs..Are they alcoholics or is this considered social drinking?
I could use a place to come and vent, that way it may cut down on some of the fights we've been having.
It appears you are in the right place. Alanon is for members who have difficulty with a friend or family member's drinking.
We have meetings here 2xs a day and chat room open 24/7.
A listing of Face to Face alanon meetings can be found in the white pages of your telephne directory.
You are correct these meetings, coming here, talking things over with others who understand, using alanon tools like: reading our literature, living one day at a time, praying, will certainly help cut down on the tension in your home
Aloha Dori...Welcome to the board from the middle of the Pacific. This is home and this is family so this is where you get unconditional love and compassion and understanding and lots of suggestions that when you act on them your life changes into something you never ever expected as beautify and never want to give up. You will want to give it away to lots of others who are wearing the same shoes as yours.
I was born and raised within alcoholism and it got passed on to my own children especially an elder son. I have lived in this program and worked it daily and have seen the miracles promised. My eldest son no longer drinks and uses. The other siblings practice something else that I have practiced not getting enmeshed with and both my spouse and I are in recovery in the program. We have continued to be blessed since finding Al-Anon and we will continue to be blessed certainly.
Keep coming back and learn how to work it. (((((hugs)))))
Hello Dorie and welcome , it really dosent matter if they are alcoholics or not what matters is how it affects you when they drink and our program will help u with that , u will learn about the disease of alcoholism and how it has affected your life . You cannot reason with an alcoholic , trying to make them see what thier doing is a waste of time and just leaves u more frustrated . Until the alcoholic says what thier doing is causig them a problem , it ISN"T its causing u a problem . The arguments are futile and keep the house in turmoil . Please find a meeting for yourself your worth the effort . If u want change u have to be willing to create it , it only takes one person to change and the family dynamics will change . Your not responsible for their problem were simply not powerfull enough to make anyone drink or stop . You say u need a place to vent , and this board is great but u will find solutions in our f2f meetings , do it for yourself YOUR worth the effort .
The more I try to open someones eyes = the more they close thier ears.
-- Edited by abbyal on Thursday 15th of October 2009 01:24:01 AM
My sponsor told me we can not label anyone an aloholic. She said there were signs though if a person was having problems due to their drinking. For example my partner would often drink and drive and smash up the car. He still would not stop drinking. He has lost lots of jobs due to his binges and still never stopped. He was unfaithful to me which he would never do when sober and has lost lots of relationships , frienships due to his drinking but he still did not stop. I could go on ad on about the problems his drinking caused him. His drinking got worse and worse and thankfully he decided that he did have problems because of drink and joined AA.
Today I leave his life to him because I went crazy trying to get him to see the damage the drinking was causing. In fact the more I tried the more he drank. He actually told me he stood at the bar thinking cheeky cow I am not an alcoholic and would drink more. But when I joined Al anon meetings (which I hope you do for you) I stopped and started looking at me, my life, my probs. Gradually I got better and happier and my partner couldn't rebell anymore and finally looked at himself he has been sober for 6 months.
At my first meeting Dori they said try six meetings if its not for you we will give you your misery back. I did not want to be miserable anymore so I kept going to meetings, reading Al anon literature, ringing people from my group, I got a long time member to Mentor me its called a sponsor. I am now happier than I have been in years. hope this helps keep coming back hugs
Thanks for sharing. I want and need to find the time to sit down and read through some of this forum. This is the place I've chosen to start. I see our family unit breaking apart and yes I have been trying to save it, but the louder I voice my concerns the more they drink. Thanks again.
The more I do the worse it gets....There you go Dorie; that is the door to the first part of the first step. Admitted we were powerless... When you take a harder look at the consequences of being powerless and trying to exert power at the same time you feel that nudge into the second part of the first step..."and our lives have become unmanageable." You can agree that it doesn't make any sense at all to try to exert power over something we admit we are powerless over.
We reach insanity. Go on to step two and become aware that the prize for working this program as suggested is in the very last word.
