The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi all, Whelp my hub is gone. Moved out Sunday. I wasn't sure he was really gone, but I found out he is.
I was all weird how it happend, but most of this situation has all been weird. He took off Sunday after I told him I wouldn't do something. So he was punishing me by leaving, not knowing where he was, and not coming home. Hmmm well I think that is what he was trying to do.
Little did he know that Sunday night the kids and I enjoyed a good meatloaf dinner AND because he wasn't here I haven't had to cooklng much for the past two nights because we have been eating left-overs (just the veggies and another side). The kids were estatic to be eating meatloaf for three days, I asked tonight just to be safe. And tonight my oldest, 10, made the veggies and the side while I cleaned the bathroom AND she even multitasked and read me a story she needed to for homework!
I am sad that he made the choice he did. I am sad for him that his disease has that much power over him that he lost his family. But I am so proud that I choose me for the first time ever. AND!!!!!!!!!!!!! Telling him no on Sunday----WOW!
The kids and I had a good night I was even able to hit the meeting here tonight for a bit. We even talked about a family chore list AND they were HAPPY about that, yeah a little spooky but oh so cool.
We are going to be okay....and better than that once we get over the hurt.
Thanks for being here all. If it wasn't for my HP, my program, and my ala-family I would be a wreck right now...no worse I would be miserable and lost trying to figure out how to conrtol my active addict. Now I am learning how to control me, lol that is a hard enough job.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
-- Edited by Mandy123 on Wednesday 14th of October 2009 08:26:49 AM
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
hello mandy , am sorry this had to happen , your meat loaf brought tears to my eyes as I remembered a similar situation in our home . This may be the most positive thing that has happened in a while , you will discover tho there will be difficult times YOU will be okay and he may decide that he will do what has to be done to be apart of the family . Keep the focus on yourself and the kids your all gonna be just fine louise
I know in the moment it hurts so much but later you may look back and find it is a blessing in disguise. I wish that my house would run that smoothly. First NOBODY eats the same thing in my house and second, CHORES? That's the end of the world! I'm working on it though and have been for the past 3 years! Maybe one of these days I'll get it right and figure out how to get my kids in order and still have a life myself. I hope your life will get easier and you'll find happiness down the road. Just enjoy the stability and peace of not having an A in the house. Try to stay positive.
It sounds to me like you have some great kids. I'm sure this isn't easy on any of you, but at the same time it seems like a little bit of relief for all of you. Enjoy it and take things one day at a time.
Great post! It brings back memories, our stories are similar.
My AH punished me by leaving too.
Anyway, I'll never forget when I put an eggplant into my shopping cart after he left. How beautiful it was!! Since he hated eggplant, I had never bought one before. I feared it would cause him to rage, like mushrooms did.
Thank you for reminding me that, despite the insanity of the disease, and his absence, my life goes on. I can choose to have a life I love. Complete with eggplant and mushrooms.
His absence during every holiday that first year, was difficult for us all. His empty chair made us very sad. We had to go through "the First's." The first Christmas without him, the first valentines day, etc. Then it got better, just like you say. I have happy new traditions now. Thanks for the post.
((((hugs))))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I can relate to your post in that my husband has not left, however, he is gone. So far this year he has been home 3 times for about a week each time. I have had to learn (as abbyal says) to bloom where I'm planted.
After living with active alcoholism for 20 yrs and caring for him for 4 mo. while he recovered from near death, I had to accept the irony of him getting sober and healthy and moving 5,000 miles away to work. No one ever said life was fair.
I did the same thing that I did when his drinking was at it's peak. I got busy. And yes, I have my not so guilty pleasures of doing things that he doesn't know about or wouldn't care for (nothing major or illegal..lol). I've learned to embrace my freedom instead of suffer from lonliness.
I haven't learned not to miss him, but I've learned not to be depressed and sad in his absence. My life and my attitude is going to be what I make it no matter what the circumstances are. There's not a darn thing I can change about the situation so I may as well choose to be happy and grateful.
take care, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Helps me to remember that when she was finally not my partner I still had the other half of the problem to face. Geeez Louise (not you Abbyal) the program was right on with the question, "What was my part in it?". She was gone and only that part of the problem and solution that I had no control over anyway left.
Thank God and the fellowship for being there and hanging with me also.
What a very nice share, thankyou. My alcoholics and addicts dont live with me. ( they are Mom, Dad, brothers and grown kids ), so I cant really relate . But you sound like you are taking care of you and thats the goal in Alanon.
I too am getting use to being alone again. I have to admit that I still haven't had the heart to clean out Tim's closet. I know he is gone and in a better place. But I'm not ready to accept the fact that I am totally alone again. I know he's in my heart. He sends me signs all the time, like throwing acorns at me or sending the flurries today.
All we can do is make the best of what we have. Enjoying the simple pleasure of eating meatloaf with your kids. For me chasing Pipers up the crab apple tree. Just learning to laugh and enjoy what is around me has seen me through this year.
Our men never trully leave us. We remember the good times. We still have a place for them in our heart. In time the hard memories fade. We will smile when we remember a happy time. So in that respect he's still with you. It's just bittersweet for now. Sending you much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
