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He relapsed! coughing up blood and lung tissue he just laughs and says he is dying! Do i stay and watch him kill himself a little more each day or do i leave in hopes that he will come around? I'm lost... about two weeks ago i found this site and made my first post. thank you all who responded with support and advice... I'm asking for help again... I'm two seconds from packing up and leaving.. he tells me to find a way to cope.... I dont know if i can.
oh, so sorry. I have a great counselor that I love and helps me sooo much in addition to this sight, books and f2f meetings. No matter what happens help yourself, you need support. Remember, we are powerless over this and cannot force solutions. Peace be with you.
Honey, I hate to tell you this but he probably is killing himself.....coughing blood is a very bad sign with alcoholism, is his stomach swollen and his color bad?
To stay or leave is only something you can answer...you need to get yourself into a program for yourself.....get to alanon face to face meeting or a counselor.
Take it from experience if he doesn't stop he will die...I watched my husband slowly but surely kill himself.
Please seek some help for yourself......if you can't get to a face to face meeting come to the one here...
All I can say is - I empathise. My AH is a shambling wreck of his former self. It breaks my heart. It also makes me so angry. But how can I walk out on a very, very sick man? (((((hugs))))))
I have been there (with my son) and know how difficult being powerless can be.
Meetings, the serenity prayer, posting here and the chat room will help you to know the right action for you.
Please keep coiming back and try to find local face to face meetings. If you decide to stay or go , you will need support.
I am so sorry that you are in this painful situation. Alcoholism is a disease that is cunning and powerful.It does end in either: recovery, insanity,jails or death.
I thnk it is incredibly hard to do this. I know the ex A I was involved with was absolutely suicidal for years. I think you have to do everything possible to take care of yourself during this time.
Oh, hon, I wish there was an easy answer. The fact is that if coughing blood doesn't get his sense of self preservation going, there is certainly nothing YOU can do to get his attention.
Do what you need to do for your own self, not for what it might manipulate him into. Take care of you. That is the only power you have here. Pray for him, but take care of you.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Aloha Trying...What a terrible position for him to be in. All he can muster is the knowing smile which comes along with the awareness that he is powerless over alcohol and his life has become unmanagable. He knows and you know and you are both powerless over it. You did not cause it and are not causing it now and neither can you control it or cause it to go away or cure it. It is taking you as it is taking him and that is the insane power of alcohol. It takes what it can and can cause the death of anyone it has it's claws in.
It's okay to walk away for a while and into the face to face rooms of the Al-Anon Family Groups where you will find many others who have or are still going thru what you are going thru and arriving at solutions for themselves. You can watch him die...we all die in many ways natural and un-natural. For me alcoholism and drug addiction is the craziest way of ending life and then I've been there and stepped away from the barrelling freight train that it is.
He can get help. AA, Alcoholics Anonymous has many members in its fellowship who will do 12th step calls and like Al-Anon members know that if the alcoholic they are attending is drunk and unwilling they walk away hoping they get another opportunity or knowing another alcoholic has secummed to booze.
It is time for you to do something for youself because the disease has victimezed you. Take the suggestions for meetings, literature, Serenity Prayer and all of the other tools we have been given to that saved our sanity and gave us serenity.
In some way, shape or form all addicts/alcoholics are killing themselves. Some just are clsoer to the end than others.
My hub got to a point where he was having a hard time breathing and had to use something to numb his throat so he could take a hit off his pipe and he still couldn't/can't see what he is doing to himself and to his family.
Right now at this moment I truly believe he is going to end up dying from this horrible disease. For me I made the choice to stop watching. For me and the sake of my kids I asked him to leave.
That was my choice for me. You have to decide what is right for you. Only you and your HP know what that is.
No matter what you decide to do, you are NOT alone.
Keep coming back.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
Dear trying, It's incredibly hard what you are trying to do. You have gotten a lot of good experience, strength, & hope (e,s, & h) here. My ex-husband is slowing killing him self with booze too and has esphageal varacies, a condition of the throat from drinking, that will kill him if he doesn't stop and he chooses to continue to drink. He just says that he has to die some way, but what a way to die.
I feel for your position and it is totally up to you whether you stay or leave. For me, I had to leave for what it was doing to my family and me. I chose to walk away from it. That was my choice, it may (or may not) be what's right for you, that's for you and your HP to decide.
I wish I had better e,s, & h to offer, but this is a cunning, baffling and powerful disease and it takes us down with them if we don't get help. I would suggest that you get to as many f2f meetings as possible and if you can't do that then come on-line here and go to meetings and to chat, there is a lot of help available to you if you but ask.
There are also a lot of good literature out there that is Conference Approved Literature (CAL) with al-anon. There are other books that have helped others struggle through this disease that might be mentioned as well. Melody Beatie is one that comes to mind, she writes on Codependency issues.
Good luck to you and I will be prayiing for you and your situation as my HP guides me.
Overcome
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
I'm sorry. i know how hard it can be to watch the person you love killing themselves. But, they cant change unless they really want to. I finally got so fed up with watching my boyfriend killing himself I left. But, I realize how much I love him and that I can't change him I can only pray for him and work on myself. The rest is in my higher powers hands. Keep coming back and posting.
Hi, I can not tell you to stay or go but I will share my story with you and you can take the bits you like.
I was married to a compulsive gambler for 17 years I ended it whe he lost our home and put our kids on the street. Today I watch from a distance as he kills himself with stress in and out of hospital but not ready to get better he knows where the help is.. I watch my children's pain at how their dad lives his life its awful. I then chose an alocholic as a new partner have been with him for 5 years I have since learnt that I too had an addiction I thought I could fix people if I lovd them enough. I learnt the hard way. Thank GOD for Al anon today I know I am only in control of me. In march I told my alcoholic that I could not help him and that Iloved him to much to watch another person I loved go down. I told him he knew who could help him but is was his choice and I left. It was the hardest thing for me to do how selfish to worry about myself. But Al no has taught me my life my happiness my kids are my responsibiliy. I handed his life back to him. I told him I loved him but he needed to love himself. I handed him over to HP and stopped trying to get my will.
4 weeks later he rang he had been to three AA meetings and has been sober for nearly six months. He looked at himself and did not like the life he was living, he chose to go to AA not to keep me because I was gone. Today I believe that i loved him that much that I stopped trying to control him, change him, get him to be what i needed him to be. He has so much pride today.
I always thought if you love someone you are there no matter what, to day I believe if you love someone sometimes you have to let thm go and if it is gods will he will bring them back to you. Trust in an higher power and you will see miracles
oh, so sorry. I have a great counselor that I love and helps me sooo much in addition to this sight, books and f2f meetings. No matter what happens help yourself, you need support. Remember, we are powerless over this and cannot force solutions.
