The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi, everyone...I am new to this forum, although not to alanon - been involved for almost 20 years, starting in alateen,and then of course following suit and marrying myself an alcoholic spouse a couple years ago...denial ain't just a river in Egypt! I really need this forumn - we only have one f2f in our community a week, and that just isn't enough for me.
I was a single mom for a long time, and then two years ago met the man I fell head over heels in love with -, however, he is an active Alcoholic (kept it well hidden until after a year of marriage when it all came to a head)...I made the conscious decision to remain in my marriage - I have a wonderful, loving husband and father lurking under the disease, and I have all the faith in teh world in my HP to bring him to his own awakening...in teh meantime however, it is hard..we have an 8 year old daughter who is special needs, and to be honest, I have a lot of guilt that she is exposed to this ugly disease.
I'm glad you joined MIP. With 20 years under your belt I am sure you have tons of ESH and can pass on that knowledge to others. You now have a new family.
I can relate to your post, because I too love the alocholic and hate the disease. The disease is more powerful than an on coming train, but with Al-Anon we find out how to step out of it's path.
Aloha Teresa...Welcome here and a journey all the way from Alateen is a great journey. You know and you know that you know and you know that the disease is cunning powerful and baffling so let go of the guilt, it's a useless club. Better people have had alcoholism take over their lives also. You can see the alcoholic and the child of God in your husband. That taught me that I had learned to very useful tools in recovery (which included 9 years as an Alateen sponsor); compassion for the terminally ill alcoholic and gratitude and appreciation for the Child of God also present.
I can empathise, Teresamay. I have a son who is 29 - going on 12 yrs due to a learning disability. Only last night he couldn't help but hear me screaming at his alcoholic father, calling him names I wouldn't care to repeat here (I am only human). I try so hard to protect him but I cannot help "losing it" occasionally. It is only due to very good friends that I have not "lost it" completely and permanently. Yet it is my son who helps keep me sane, cheers me on dark days and somehow I cope and keep going. Amazing just how much resilience us humans have! Well done for doing as well as you have done and sending love and best wishes all the way from England (((hugs))) xxx
thank you all so much for the welcoming and loving acceptance into this group :). Tatty, I know what you mean - and you are so right, we are only human, and as humans sometimes our emotions take over no matter how much we "know", it's hard to watch people we love dying in front of us - but you know the blessing we have through this program is knowledge, and even if it feels like we aren't getting it through to our kids, we do, we have such an opportunity to teach them and break these cycles...my daughter is autistic, and learning disabled so I don't always have an awareness of her understanding, but last night was amazing..
Last night, we had a thanksgiving potluck at my husband's workplace - which of course means free flowing booze. And of course, my husband got drunk - as did a lot of the others..anyway, another wife and myself noticed one of the men trying to hide his wife's glass of vodka - boy did that bring back memories! The funny thing though, was my daughter piped up and said "that's ok ****, my daddy is sick with drunk disease too, you don't have to hide booze, we understand". I went from being very embarrassed that she said that to him, to very proud that the understanding is coming. The poor guy was so humilated. I coudl see the tear in the corner of his eye. I honestly did not know how to approach it, other than to ask if he wanted to sit with our group and socialize...he wound up dragging his wife out, and they left.
My point I guess, is that I didnt' have the ability know that when I was a kid - my early years were about survival - getting through my childhood alive - literally. I grew up with a bipolar mother and a raging violent alcholic father - all I knew was that things were crazy in my house, and nobody else "appeared" to be living that way - long story - but end result is that knowledge is power, adn our kids might be living with this disease in their lives, but at least they have some understanding of what it is...I thank my HP everyday for that.
