The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My 36 year old son has decided to do a 90 day re-hap (thank God). Would I be enabling him if I paid his rent for the 90 days that he is in re-hab? He is on unemployment and has to give 80% of his check to re-hab.
My two cents (and I'm no expert)... paying his rent for 90 days while he is in Rehab is not enabling in any way.... Now if you paid his rent so he could spend his own money on his addiction, then that would be another story....
I say... go for it, if you can afford to do so...
T
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I also agree. Paying the rent is supporting his sobriety and rehab. I truly wish you and him the best. It's a hard road for everyone involved. Rehab gives us much hope but doesn't always work. I would suggest you use this 90 days to learn as much as you can via Alanon meetings so you are well prepared for whatever the outcome.
Best of luck, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Well, enabling is enabling is enabling. What's the difference where he is or what he is spending his money on? Are you rewarding him for doing the "right" thing? And how much resentment will you feel if he does not stay sober? You will be out 3 months worth of money.
I enabled my ex to be sober. I enabled him to be a father. Just a fancy way of saying I was trying my hardest to control him in a nice way.
After all, the poor pathetic A that he was couldn't possibly manage to do those things with out me, his saint of a wife....
This program asks me to examine my motives. And I have to really think before I do what I think is best. I also have to do what you have done and bring it to a meeting. Talk to my sponser.
Good luck to you and your son. Just remember there are many diffent ways to enable. And resentments happen.
Aloha Dervin...I love the responses you got and they allowed me to sit back and look at my own thoughts, feelings and history. My experiences tell me that making your decision conditional to his completing his rehab program and having both or all involved understand that (you just gotta take the gray area out of deals with an alcoholic) will be simplest. Good luck to you both. Stay with your program.
Thanks to all of you. I feel confident in my heart that I am doing the right thing. If he doesn't stay sober, yes, I will be disappointed, and hurt, but again it's the disease, not him. He really wants to do this. He misses his family, and we miss him.
