The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I would really like peoples take on this, because I seem to do it selectively, and only with certain people, and I am getting a lot better, I used to have to replay conversations over and over inside my head, I think I had low self esteem when I was doing that so bad, because I really cared about the way I answered people and the way in my mind, I thought they would think, I was thinking.
See I have a very close friend and when she says anything she's 100% consistent, she never wavers, and with her I just accept it as it is, end of, with my recovering A, he will initially like something alot, and then gradually he will go full circle and change his stance on something, which leaves me quite confused, and wondering what was the truth did he really like it, or didn't he? enter me with my microscope, thanks Jerry F, I love that, so now I am going to ask you all, is this simply a woman is from venus and a man is from mars scenario?
There was a Time when I would do the EXACT same thing, and it honestly wasn't until I started to better understand my Program that I figured out why... FOR ME, I didn't Know much about "ME"... I was more interested in what Others "Thought" of Me, then what I thought of myself... I still have my moments don't get me wrong, but all and all, I no that part of my life came from My SuperLOW self esteem...
Since I have joined Al-anon... I Now Only Focus on ME... I have laid the "microscope" down, and began looking in the mirror, of what is, and is Not important to me, I have found that what others think is just that... What THEY Think... I can not want them to Do or Say something to Please me I would much rather have their honesty... And if down the road they decide that they have changed their mind about something then... Not My Problem... None of my Business....
This program has taught me so much that it is truly hard to explain all of it, but I now keep my focus on Me & My Well Being and allow others to have there own thoughts, no matter what they are... For Most in my life that "Change their mind like most change underwear" Don't have a program to keep them grounded... So again... I take care of me :)
Don't know if I helped ya or confused ya...lol... But take what you like & leave the rest...
Aloha Katy...I can see my early sponsor with his arm around my shoulder smiling and asking me Okay Jerry F whey do you analyze everything? Doubt, Fear, Confusion, Low self esteem, Perfectionism...hmmm what else can I throw into that stew pot? Okay...I analyze because I just don't know and what I don't know I am not satisfied with...so keep it under the microscope for a while longer.
Today if I have questions I ask for feedback or clarification. I say "I'm having trouble with this picture can you clear it up for me" and I do that will out being judgmental and sarcastic. If I try it with judgment and sarcasm I'm not going to like what I get back if I get anything back and I give the other person(s) seed for a resentment or wish not to participate; I won't get clarity.
