Anyone deal with going to court for visitation with an A - Al-Anon Family Group

Melissa21 · Senior Member

Anyone deal with going to court for visitation with an A

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

I have no experience in regards to this mel ,but your son deserves to be safe,I personally would go prepared for the visitation being an issue , proof of his DUI/s , supervised visit is a must if still drinking .

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

My lawyer told me that whatever routine had been set up would probably be the one that would be set in court. So, for instance, if you decide that your ex can see your son under your supervision at the park on Sunday afternoons, and you stick to that, that's the kind of routine they will base the visitation on. I would think that letting him see your child any time might work against that. It might be more helpful if you set a regular schedule, not least because then you know what to expect and can plan around that. This will become more helpful as your son gets older and has more commitments on his schedule. If your ex doesn't show up for some of the appointed times, then that will also work in your favor, showing that you're the responsible parent.

As much as you can afford, I'd get lawyered up for this. It's undoubtedly cheaper and easier to get a reasonable arrangement set up at this point than to get an unreasonable one undone down the line. Your son's well-being depends on you. See at least if you can get professional advice from Legal Aid.

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

Melissa,
All of his legal problems are public record, along with the suicide threat. I would get copies of everything you can and take it to court and present them to the judge if necessary. Also I would include any papers you have saying that he has cirrosis too. It's pretty hard to deny he has a problem with DUI arrests and cirrosis.
I would also state that he has not paid any child support in 5 mo. He would need proof (if he says he has pd. you) by submitting cancelled checks. He can't do that so you may end up with 5 mo. back support if you're lucky.

Good Luck!
Christy

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I sure would get some legal advice. Laws are very hard to understand and can be twisted.

Just you telling a judge won't be enough. Parents witness lies against each other all the time.

Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers. love,debilyn

Inpain · Senior Member

Melissa,

Everyone's advice is great. Don't forget a picture speaks a 1000 words, so remember the picture.

Just hammer home to the judge that this is an UNHEALTHY environment for your son. Keep at it.

I'll pray for you.
IP

Sincerely · Senior Member

Melissa,

you are a strong young woman, and a great mother. just look back at all your accomplishments you have achieved these last few months. you have taken your son and yourself out of an unstable home, went from having no job to brining in an income that has allowed you to put a roof over you and your childrens head. that picture speaks a thousand words of who you are. what kinda picture can he show the judge? uh...NONE

good luck and hugs,
sincerely,
tonya

serendipity · ~*Service Worker*~

Bring all of your evidence with you. With the condition your ex is in, you are obviously the only parent. You can declare your desire for sole custody and supervised visits for your ex.

With me in my situation, my ex and I go to court every few months for child support, He refuses to pay, so I take him to court. I had the custody written ihto our divorce decree. Depsite that it is in there, my ex has occasionally tried to whine to the judge about the fact that he doesn't see the kids (so why should he pay support) to which the judge looks sickened and replies that support and visitation are two seperate issues.

You do have the right to say to the judge at any point that you do not want to proceed without legal representation and they are mandated to provide you with legal reference and adjourn until you are lawyered up.

I will tell you the best money I have ever spent is on my lawyer who has not allowed my ex to get away with anything and at the same time has kept me and my kids safe.

I have a ton of experience with suppot and visitation and A's. Not much hope, but more strength than I ever knew I had. It's about my kids and when it comes to them, I can be superhuman. And so can you I am sure. Keep your son safe.

Mandy123 · ~*Service Worker*~

Melissa,
If you qualify for the legal aid by all means protect yourself and your son. You have some good advice from others on your thread.

We are behind you.

Maybe the court will apoint a third party to look over the issue and make a decission. I have friends who that happened to.

Keep praying.

Yours in recovery,
Mandy

Rora · Senior Member

I don't have any words of wisdom to offer you as I don't have a legal custody arrangement at this time. But I do know what it's like to feel torn inside about having to sometimes protect our child(ren) from their father. It's just not what we had in mind when we made our children - it defies everything that I thought at the time of my child's conception.
In my perfect world, it would never be a concern to me about leaving my child with his Dad.
As has been said to me, if my decisions are based solely on my child's wellbeing and not a personal vindetta, then I can proceed with the knowledge that I am doing the right thing.

All the best to you.

Rora

alanonicScotland · Veteran Member

I work in a prison with young offenders and have a different kind of suggestion in support of all the other 'be prepareds' here:

If you can, go to the courtroom, courthouse and have a sit and walk around before the day. Perhaps ask a receptionist for a quick tour. Go to the bathroom, use a water fountain. Look at the people working there. If you are able to be familiar with the place, perhaps it won't be so intimidating, and perhaps the focus can be on the facts and the needs of the peopel involved.

When I go into the prison everytime, It feels like an office: doors and buzzers, offices and security. My students are human beings, some very remarkable ones. Taking away the mystique has helped me to maintin objectivity and do my job. Remember: the judges, lawyers, etc are just doing their jobs, they aren't higher powers or special authoroty figures. And take program with you:

"I don;t feel like I;ve been heard"
"May I share"
"How important is _____ that"
"I would like to keep it simple"
"I need help here"

Best, :)

blender_girl · Senior Member

(((melissa)))

I completely relate to your concerns. I will be faced with this very situation within a matter of weeks and it is very scary, especially when the A is very smooth and manipulative. But I have to keep reminding myself to let go and trust my HP that things will work out as they should.

I would encourage you to seek legal aid if for no other reason than to ease some of your fears and concerns about the outcome. A lawyer can tell you what to expect from this hearing as well as what type of documentation you should be prepared to keep and/or produce. The judge is tasked with doing what is in the best interests of the child. A lawyer can guide you with painting the picture. This is just my opinion, take what you like and leave the rest.

You've demonstrated over the past several months that you are a responsible, caring parent. You've gone from being jobless and homeless to earning wages and providing for your child. This is nothing short of amazing, especially in these economic conditions, and you are to be commended for your strength and courage. I'm really proud of you!

Keep working your program! We are all pulling for you!

love in recovery,

bg

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

I think the better prepared you are the more chance you have to get what you want. I would contact any social service agencys you can, battered womens agencies, family service agencys. They will know who is the best family services attorney for you to work with. There are also family custody issue blogs and groups on line. The more you know the better. Another resource might be the YWCA they often have referral lists.

Maresie.

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