The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been having a challenging week. AH's family is out visiting and when they visit, AH goes dry. And when he is dry, his disease is exposed and raw and it is ANGRY and HOSTILE and on a witch hunt.
The nice thing is, AH's brother and his girlfriend are AA members who take their meetings seriously. I know I grumble about ABIL at times (and I clearly recognize it's one of those things where I see traits in him that I don't like that I ironically display myself - he IS a good guy). It's just still nice to have program people in the house with me.
I was not planning on hitting any meetings yesterday, but then the disease decided to lash out at me for going to an Al-Anon meeting Monday then visiting with my sponsor afterwards who was going to be away on vacation for the next two weeks. The disease told me I'm not being family-oriented and I should be spending every free minute outside of work with his family while they're visiting.
I engaged. *sigh* And only realized again that I was arguing with the disease after hanging up absolutely infuriated. A quick phone call to my sponsor before she flew out reminded me I'm dealing with the disease and AH is crackling dry ready to ignite at the slightest temperature fluctuation. I just happen to be its convenient target.
So, my BIL and his girlfriend were planning to go to an AA meeting last night and I decided I'm going with them.
I haven't been to an AA meeting in ages. I still feel jumpy like I'm going to offend someone in the meeting if they find out I'm an Al-Anon, not someone with the actual physical allergy to alcohol. Like I'm there to spy on them or something... haha. But BIL gently reminded me "We're all family here. This is a family disease."
It was nice... I even read the "How it works" intro for the meeting (still in the back of my head feeling like a phony when I kept touching on the phrases "we're alcoholics!"). But where I got the most out of the meeting were the shares. Very few of them even really mentioned burning desires to have a drink, and if I removed any and all conversations about having difficulty with trying not to drink, I'd swear I was just sitting in on another Al-Anon meeting. I could relate to nearly every share when it came down to the mental and emotional conflicts. And even better, I could even picture my husband in place of any of the people speaking and say "oh yeah... that's exactly what AH is going through... that's why he's so bent out of shape..."
So, it was great getting over to the AA meeting. I live in a small town, too, and ran across a couple familiar faces and it just made me feel even more comforted... knowing I have friends all over the place.
Again - I may find excuses to grumble about BIL, but the nice thing about having him out here is he's usually good about convincing me to join him for a few AA meetings.
Aloha ...Aloha I just liked that share. It is so full of hope. Where the program is there is serenity and understanding and where there is my sponsor and other members there is support. BIL was right of course..."It is a family disease and the membership is family." (((((hugs)))))
