Hello Friends,

Well, it finally happened, my A stopped drinking, although a raging (in more than one sense of the word) dry drunk.  It happened about  a year ago.

Before alanon, I used to look up all the bad things that happen to severe drunks (as in daily drinking to the point of blackout, YIKES) and try to scare him into getting help before his liver curdled and his brain pickled.  It didn't work...he is a genius and looked up information to keep drinking like he did and suffer no ill effects (according to him).  He took milk thistle to protect his liver, and multi vitamins to make sure he got enough niacin (low niacin levels has been shown to cause "wet brain"), and ate no junk food to reduce the workload on his liver, and ran three miles daily to keep his heart muscles strong to avoid bad effects on the heart from drinking (rolling eyes).  He kept on drinking...until I found alanon and learned to mind my own business and stop bugging him about it, THEN he stopped drinking.  He did it cold turkey no program at all, not even medical.  Don't ask me why he didn't drop dead, I am just glad he didn't.

His little medical experiment turned out partially correct, he seems to have suffered no ill physical effects.  But nothing has spared his brain, he is simply not himself and not right in his head.  He reasoning abilities are affected and it is obvious to most people, who point it out to me often and ask me if he is getting pshychiatric help, of course he is not, but once again, none of my business.  He wouldn't listen anyway...

Well, the point of this post is to say that for the 15 years of our marriage the spotlight has been on him for me, my friends, and family.  He was always the one seen as messing up and ruining the marriage with his drunken antics.  I was probably seen as the long suffering patient victim.

Well, now that he is not drinking, my family and friends have begun to look a little closer at me, LOL, and have pointed out some areas I need work in.  When this began to happen, the alcholic of course was OH SO HAPPY to jump on that bandwagon, LOL.  As he put it "now that the alcohol is put on the shelf the "REAL" problems are coming out (rolling eyes).  OK, it is not like that, he is still in denial about it all, including being a very UNpopular dry drunk, but it doesn't mean I don't have a problem also.

OK, now the blaring spotlight is on me and it is not very comfortable.  My family and friends are pointing out my faults and urging me to work on them"before he starts drinking again" as if I am at fault.  Well, I know it is not like that, if he drinks again it won't be because of me, but I STILL should face my faults and work on them.

My biggest fault is I am a big clutterer!  Besides having two LARGE storage facilities, I have masses of plastic storage containers in the garage.  The alcholic has to move stuff around to get the lawnmower out to cut the grass and nearly trips and breaks his neck to take out his bicycle.  The alcoholic used to finance my storage places, probably a "guilt" offering when he was drinking daily, but he has said NO MORE.  I have to clean them out AND the garage!  WOW!  This is sudden...but I have to agree with him it is time.

Now I have more sympathy for the A, he is speaking out  trying to embarrass me to "get me back" for telling his parents he drank (in an intervention attempt).  My motives were to help him, his are to embarass me but no matter.  I am SOOOO glad I have enough alanon under my belt to not care about what he does or his motives.  All I care about is "keeping my side of the street clean".  Even though it is hard to admit, he is right.  This economy is HARD and we are barely making ends meet, there simply is no more money for two large storage facilities.  He is very angry about paying for it this long, and is letting me, and everyone else we know, know about it .

OK, I am under the BLARING spotlight now!  It doens't feel good, but I can't live with myself if I am a hypocrite.  I will HAVE to stand it, own up to my problems and SOLVE THEM.  I am oh so tempted to fight fire with fire and go into denial and say it is OK, but I know it isn't.  It shouldn't be an obstacle course to get the lawnmower out of the garage, and my daughter shoulnd't need to wait until he is home to help her get her bike out. 

The garage clutter is hard to get rid of, but not as hard as my storage stuff.  I saved nearly everything my daughter ever touched, hoping to have another baby one day, sniff, it didn't happen.  I have come to terms with that, some people are infertile and can't have even one, I have one, so will be grateful for that.  I am going to donate everything I can to charities that help pregnant teens and young mothers, and to the local woman's shelter.

Unlike me, who was willing to help him, the Alcholic has informed me not to expect any help from him, he is enjoying watching me squirm trying to carry heavy boxes to the car.  He has also cracked a smile watching and hearing me wheeze from all of the dust and mold spores in the garage.  Did I mention that I have torn tendons in both feet and am wearing TWO orthopedic boots on both feet?  And I have sciatica, it is painful to even breathe!  He thought that would discourage me and I would NOT do it so he can continue to complain about me and make me look bad.  Payback is his favorite activity in the WHOLE world!

Wouldn't you know?  An old friend suddenly came back into my life and offered to help me when she heard what I was working on, I don't think it is a coincidence .

The Alcoholic is trying to thwart that too, it is not as fun as watching me suffer alone, in so much pain I can barely move, moving one box an hour.  He is rude to my friend, erases her messages before I get them, and told me he didn't like her and is MAD that she is in our house "seeing" the  mess.  HAH!  He tries to invite anyone anywhere to come over and see the garage and complain, but let it be a friend helping me get rid of it and he can't stand her.  OH, she has never spoken to him and she doen'st know him, he is just making all of this up. 

Well, water off a ducks back thanks to alanon...

Who cares what he does, says, thinks, or tries to thwart.  Now that I have been forced to face my faults I am going to be brave, stay in the spotlight andOWN UP to my horrible problems and GET RID OF THEM by getting help from my friend.

I worked for five hours today in my storage place, I am in so much pain writing this I can barely sit up, I have been moving around boxes and my torn tendons are aching so bad I am nearly in tears and my sciatica is acting up so badly that it is painful to breathe...yet I feel a certain peace and calm, one that comes from bravely facing up to what I should, and being humble enough to admit I have gotten myself into such a mess that I need help, and accept the help lovingly offered.  My friend if pretty brutal, LOL, everything I want to keep she snatches out of my hand and throws away and tells me that if I ever really need it, I can buy a new one but ONLY if I have room for it, LOL.  She is also helping me clean and carry donation stuff and helping me find organizations that need it.  She is taking some stuff tomorrow to a woman's transition place, that helps homeless women get set up in apartments.  They often have nothing, and could use some of the nice things I have .

I am having my friend mostly help in my storage places to keep her away from the A so he doen'st start his shenanigans and scare her away.  I am doing the garage on my own.  I have a plan, and it is working out great.

Just thought I would share...that alanon WORKS IF YOU WORK IT!

Love to all who have helped me get this far by sharing ESH...

MaryPoppins