The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm new here, this is my first time really even talking about his problem. My boyfriend is an addict has been for over five years. we seem to get one step forward and a week later take ten steps back. I am running on empty and looking for help in anyway possible. whether its getting the courage to leave or the strength to stand by him... any takers?
The best help for me was getting an education about addictions. And at the same time, learning and applying alanon in my life.
We cannot do anything for them. We can help us which in turn helps our relationship, and or helps us to know if we want to leave or not. welcome,debilyn
The best way to support our loved ones in this situation for me is to find m y own program and get the support I need from others who completely understand me . We cannot change anyone but ourselves . Until the A says what he or she is doing is causing them a problem it isn't its causing us a problem and Al-Anon will help u with that . Accepting that they are who they are and will do what they gotta do works . and its ok ay to love an alcoholic or addict . We are enablers and until we stop trying to save them nothing will change except we get a little crazier and more frustrated every time we rescue we stop them from hitting thier bottom , we learn to stop doing for them what they should be doing for themselves , by minding our own business we give them an oportunity to grow up and become responsible for the choices they make . Pleae find an Al-Anon or Naranon meeting as soon as u can , u need support .
We can give help to you. The Alcoholic has to find his own resources. I know for me the more I tried to help the worse it got. Eventually I had to take a hands off policy. I long to rush in and help others but I know where it gets me.
I do hope you will give al anon a "go". I do think it is worth learning the tools.
So happy you found us....best step you took so far...living in addiction is just plain hell....
By taking the step to get help for yourself....that is wonderful...we are powerless over the addict using....
I know how hard it is to sit and watch the ones we love abuse themselves not to mention the hell they put us thru....thing to remember is we can not no matter how much we beg, plead, pray or scream make them stop we do not have that much power...love has absolutely nothing to do with addiction, I am sure he loves you very much.
What we can do it help ourselves....keep coming....keep posting...join the on-line meetings, get to a face to face alanon or naranon meeting if you can.
You are not alone and I totally understand, and I have been there.
Thank you all for your support, he was gone for four days came home after a pregnancy scare.. and decided to stay he says he is going to get help, but we've all heard it before. He seems to be doing much better... but i know it's one day t a time... last time it was good for a week and then went down hill again, but trying to remain positive, its hard to go to work every day not knowing if he'll be home when i come back or not. I took your advice about enabling him and told him i'd no longer be paying for his car.... it was hard not to make the payment and trade it back it in, but he has to know that only he can help himself if he wants help. I do appreciate all you guys who responded thank you so much i look forward to more advice and ways to cope.
I post again look for support and help! He was doing good, but I;m sure you all know by experience that " He has to want to get better" . I went to bed and fell asleep and he took off was gone again all night ... i called his phone repeatedly but all he does is ignore it. his addiction has a stronger hold than what i want to believe. I can't continue to watch him kill himself every day and distance himself from me further... I try to talk to him and he wont even look at me, I cry and not a hint of emotion or guilt comes across his face. I want to stay, but at the same time the road that he is going down I'm going to outlive him and there wont be a chance at a happy life. I asked him yesterday after he decided to come home "when we could be happy and when could we start a life together?" he had the same blank look in his eyes and that smerk that only we being the loved ones would know.... I don't know whether to leave or stay... he wants me to cope with it until he decides to stop... it's always on his time and when he wants to do it but isn't making an effort to stay clean and sober. i don't know what to do.
