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This is my second posting. I am in the process of re-working the steps...well I am just now starting again anyways. I have had just an awful day dealing with my A. I have had many slip ups where I have yelled at him because he was annoying me, or bullying the kids. How can I not defend them...and myself? I am so used to throwing a fit when he wants to go to the bar...and he is so used to it too that he just doesnt go anymore and simply drinks at home. Well tonight I had enough....so I didnt throw any kind of fit when he wanted to leave. I am starting to regret it because I know when he comes home in an hour he will be twice as intoxicated as he was when he left and it is going to be a really long night for me. I just keep repeating to myself that if I dont let him do this...I am preventing him from ever hitting bottom and recovering. This letting go stuff is really really really hard for me. I know it is something that I need to do not only for him, but mostly for me and for my child. If I let go, maybe eventually I will be able to have the serenity that I am seeking. I am powerless to alcoholism....that is pretty much my internal chant that I have started using when he starts picking at me. It worked last time...maybe it will work again. I even told him today, that I was not going to discuss anything important with him while he had been drinking because I didnt want him to take offense to it, so he got mad and started yelling. I told him to go into the bathroom, look in the mirror and yell away...that is who he is mad at...not me and i didnt deserve to catch the brunt of his internal self anger. I hope I said the right thing to him....at the right time. I guess I will find out when he gets home.
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Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and Today is a Gift. Which is why they call it the present.
I know how hard it is to detach from the madness and simply take care of yourself and your sanity.
Once I had really mastered the idea that I was indeed powerless over anyone else and that my peace of mind was the most important thing in my life, I began to change and take care of myself.
As far as protecting the kids, for me, I would take them out of the room. Not yell or anything. That way they learn to not think of yelling at someone, but to walk away.
Plus it is their father.
You made a boundary, go look in the mirror. I quit talking to him when he was obnoxious. Just said ok, yes you may be right. Then left the room to go do something else.
If he follows I would completely ignore him, or her, put earplugs in and listen to music or watch tv!
Boundaries are great, but must have consequences. Then we have to follow through with the confidenses.
He will hit bottom when and if he does.They don't have to get there to want to clean up.
I thought mine would finally get help when he left and was not allowed back. But noooo he moved in with a lush and she pays for everything and put up with his gross disease.
She is now ashamed of herself and says she will not allow him back.
hugs girl. love,debilyn ps glad you came back again!
