Well after a day yesterday of feeling off and making a BIG mistake at work, and having to work over to fix it all, I decided to make today a "me" day and took the day off to try and gather myself together a bit.  I have been feeling off and struggling all week and it is showing in every area of my life, so I decided to take the day off and spend it doing some soul searching and enjoying my favorite season in one of my favorite places, so I headed to the WV mountains.  I genuinely believe that WV in the Fall is as close to my HP as I can get here on earth, and I was correct for He was everywhere today.

Put my son on the school bus, and went with a friend of mine, who is also struggling right now, and we visited Smoke Hole Caverns, and the gift shops.  I bought a beautiful windchime to hang outside my window (been looking for the perfect one since I read The Awakening and this one was it), then we stopped for a late lunch on the way back at a small mom and pop restaurant and finished the meal off with a piece of chocolate pie.  The scenary was BREATHTAKING and even though it rained pretty much the whole time, I lifted my face to the rain and embraced it as the gift it was.

While trying to help my friend I realized some of the areas that I am lacking in and need to work on.  I found that I was once again searching for someone to complete me and make me happy, as I haven't been happy for awhile now, not really happy.  And I realized that that is what I am probally missing most in my life right now, not the exabf and what I thought was (though I do still miss him) but moreso I miss that happiness we had together at one point.  The happiness that filled a void in my life and kept me from really looking at myself and what's really missing in my life, and I realized that until I make me whole and complete I have little to offer in a relationship and that's ok.  My happiest time, as a wise lady pointed out to me today, was back when I was working the steps, and she was right....back then the focus was 100% on me and not looking back and longing....

So today was a bit of an awakening for me.  I realized I have much to offer the right person.... one day, but that day isn't today and that's ok.  I realized that I have to put my trust 100% of it back into the hands of my HP (somewhere along the line I took that back again) and that I just have to keep focusing on me and that will keep me moving forward, and most of all I realized that it's ok to take 3 steps forward and 2 steps back........because I am moving forward.........

Thanks for letting me share
Shelly