The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi everyone! First post and not quite sure what to expect. No AlAnon group near me and precious little support of any form. I have been married for nearly 38 years and my husband has been dependent on alcohol for about 4-5 years. I also have a dependent son with a learning disability. Physically fine but functions about the level of a 10-12 year old. Nightmarish situation at home. Everyone tells me "Leave him" but not that easy. All sorts of financial reasons (I am the only one earning) and emotional - there cannot not be after the years we have spent together. He is not physically violent but can be very verbally abusive. Just feel numb, dead, inside. Don't really know what I'm doing in here!
You are in the right place. There are many here who have been in very similar situations and there is hope. If you decide to leave or not, it is possible to get your life back, and to reclaim your happiness.
You said you don't have alanon meetings in your area... but you can post here, and there is a link on the upper left corner of this page for the chat room, where you can speak with people directly. There are meetings there twice a day.
I am glad you are here, this program and these people here are phenominal.. and have literally saved my life. Keep coming back!
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
You are not alone You have already been given great suggestions, I would just like to add that there is an offer for a great book called :"Getting Them Sober "at the top of the alanon page
I suggest you order that book and keep coming back
Aloha Tattyhead. Keep coming back here and if you have the courage and willingness to start a meeting in your area...I'll help you do that as I am sure others will also.
Most of us here can relate to your story.....I am sorry that you are suffering, being married to an active A is not a nice place to be...
First of All Welcome you have found a place to vent and be where people totally understand you.....I was married for 22 yrs so I can relate on the length of marriage almost...lol
You said, he has been an A for 4-5 yrs, alcoholism is a progressive disease the longer it goes on the worse it becomes...verbally abusive can be almost as bad as physical abuse it can make us physically ill.....desperate....and feel just the lowest of low.
The thing is you can help yourself dear friend, I am so glad you came here...please keep coming try and find a alanon meeting near you if that is possible, I am sure your plate is full working and taking care of your child.....but alanon will help things become more manageable for you....It will also help you take control of your life back....
Leaving or staying that is a difficult one.....a decision you and you alone can make...you have to live with the choices you make...and you child... alcoholism is hard on all kids....all families....it can literally be a walk in hell.
Give yourself a minute to get some help for you.....try and clear your head and think about your options, what is best for you...thru the help of alanon maybe you will find some peace of mind.....just my opinion friend.
I started by learning everything I could about addiction. I am still learning. I really learned a lot from reading "Getting Them Sober." If Canadianguy is still offering it, I would get it. You have friends here.
Thank you so much for your supportive replies. It sometimes feels very lonely in this situation. You cannot keep burdening your friends with all your woes - I fear they might just become ex-friends!! It's good to know I am not alone and no-one thus far has been judgemental. I am trying to find some support but even though I live in a county town, not the middle of nowhere, I have been having great difficulty finding any. When I ended up in my GP surgery in floods of tears, his answer was to prescribe me amitriptyline! Never mind, a good friend who lives in the country and has dogs, chickens and a goat has invited my son and I to stay for a few days for a period of rest and relaxation. Trouble is - do you know, we will still worry about OH/Father left on his own! In the past when I have left him for a few days he hasn't eaten, just drunk, started vomiting so he could keep nothing down, including alcohol and has ended up in hospital with severe withdrawal seizures! This has happened an incredible 7 times in the last 9 months! And still the NHS offer no real help. Just recently they took him for a planned detox - said they would keep him in for 2 weeks but, such is the pressure on NHS beds he was discharged after a bare 5 days and started drinking again the next day! It does make one want to give up.
Yes, I remember all too well that I could not go away for any length of time as I could not stop worrying about what was going on at home.
Your worry and his drinking are very familar. The tools of alanon will help!!!
First I needed to learn how to take care of myself. I needed to pick up tools (alanon literature, slogans, paryer) that I could use each day when I became nervous and frightened.
The more I used these basic tools the better I felt!!
I kept coming back finding more tools - using them and growing.
You have found a place to recover from this cunning, baffling and powerful disease.
Please keep coming back. You and your family are worth it.
