The material presented
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to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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Wow, since I have given up hope of getting back together with him my attitude has really changed for the positive. Maybe getting all the chemicals from drinking/smoking/sugar have cleared my head and this is what has led me to see the situation more clearly? I know every time I exercise my mood improves and when i think of him I think that I'm too good for him.... Anyway it's day 11 of my 90 day journey and I am down 9 pounds! That's 9 MORE pounds than the 20 I lost being miserable and missing him and not eating. Conclusion... I lose more when I'm focused on me! I'm really excited to see how my life will change after this 90 days, my self respect has been returned unto me and I know I'll be feeling great about myself when I actually follow through and lose the 45 lbs in 90 days!!! Not to mention I'll be SMOKIN HOT! And hopefully attract a healthier more quality individual to me by being healthy myself!!! Also... this is the lightest I have been in......let me think.....15 years? maybe?
I don't know that I think I'm too good for anyone. I just think I don't know how to have a relationship that is marginally healthy. I certainly know how to obsess fantasize and hope. I know where that got me. Being realistic feels like such a let down. I obviously have to really work on my fantasies because they are the prison rather that the person themselves.
Well it sounds like you are moving forward in a huge way! My approach would be to put on "hold" any man-woman relationships until I really did an overhaul on me!
My sponsor told me 7 years ago, going on 8 when I entered recovery in February 2002 to put on "hold" any op. sex relationships until I have worked through the negative deep seated patterns which attracted me to unhealthy people in the first place.
Why keep repeating? That will happen until I over haul me and change me first! The slogan "let it begin with me" means to me that the healing has to come from within me before it can manifest outside of me! For so many years, I tried to manipulate my environment, other people, places, things, even to change my "luck" and all along the problem was within me
Best of luck on your march forward and good for you. Losing the weight, changing the diet! I know I had to give up refined sugar because it aggravated my anxiety! I eat as clean as I can. Thank heavens I never had weight problems, but I do have to watch what I eat for my nerves and digestion.
Take care and keep up the good work,
Neshema
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I think too good for him is a bad choice of wording. He was a good guy, he just hurt me more deeply than anyone before and I'm still slightly bitter I guess. I don't think I'm "too good" I think I'm an adult 38 year old woman who is mostly mature and capable and has a career and goals and aspirations, has been though numerous trials in life and feels as though she can survive anything. Whereas... he is a 25 year old immature man boy who lives with his parents, has a dead end job, no specific goals to speak of, no self confidence or faith in himself and he is completely controlled by an overbearing father and he allows that and sees himself as having no choice in the matter. Not to forget that I am also responsible for three other people and he cannot even be responsible for himself alone.
It's not that I'm too good, he's good, it's just that I recognize (FINALLY) that he is not the caliber of man that I desire to have in my life. Not to say that he couldn't be in the future with some serious introspection and growing up and internal motivation... I agree with you 100% about my dreams and hopes are what is killing me although the actual loss hurt for several weeks as I was used to feeling his love rain down on me and suddenly it was gone overnight AND probably MORE importantly I have been completely alone here for so long and finally had someone who provided me with support (picking up kids, helping do things I needed done, etc.) so when he was gone I REALLY felt it and felt so completely alone.
I see now that a lot of the time I was living in the he's young he'll grow up soon and these things will come fantasy. But in reality I have no way of knowing if they would ever have come. I could have had a man boy for the rest of my life, married to me yet still doing daddy's bidding and sneaking off to have sex with trannies behind my back... This is the "reality" and the dreams and hopes are so much better than reality! I think for me the most important lessons here are 1 don't give away my entire self to someone else and become dependent on them... and 2 don't be so forgiving and listen to my head more and my heart less. It hurts like hell to let go of someone you genuinely love but sometimes it's better than continuing and being stuck later on down the road with something you had warning signs for but were blinded by love to act upon.
And hopefully attract a healthier more quality individual to me by being healthy myself!!! Also... this is the lightest I have been in......let me think.....15 years? maybe?
