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FRUSTRATION, GUILT BUT TAKING CARE OF ME WHEN IT COMES TO MY MOTHER. SHE GOT TO ME YESTERDAY & I LET HER! LAST SATURDAY I MENTIONED THAT SHE WANTED ME TO GO WITH HER SOMEWHERE & I SAID NO. SUNDAY I WAS ALL BENT OUT OF SHAPE WHILE WE ATTENDED A MEETING BEFORE & AFTERWARDS. YESTERDAY I TOLD HER TO GO AWAY. IS IT ME OR IS IT HER OR BOTH OF US? NOW I FEEL A BIT BETTER BUT HAVING HER AROUND ME YESTERDAY MADE ME WANT TO JUMP OUT OF MY SKIN! WORDS OF WISDOM NEEDED & SOON. I KNOW SHE IS HUMAN & A CHILD OF GOD BUT SOMETIMES I JUST NEED HER TO GO AWAY! I KNOW THAT IF SHE WAS REALLY GONE, I WOULD MISS HER TERRIBLY. MAYBE I JUST RESENT HER FOR SOME THINGS SHE DID IN MY CHILDHOOD & BEYOND! TODAY I JUST HAVE TO REMEMBER TO LET GO OF THE PAST & JUST APPRECIATE HER EVEN THOUGH SHE IS A SICK WOMAN. ALL IS SAID & NOW I AM DONE! KATHLEEN
I can relate to what you are saying. I often feel the same about my mother. She is an A. I think I resent her as well for things in my child hood. Sounds like you are doing better than me with it. But just for today I am working on it. I also had a talk with another alanon member and came to the conclusion many times I get irritated with her because she isn't doing what I think she should be. So I am telling myself how important is it? Let it go. It takes 2 to argue and I am not going to start or engage in it with her.
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"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
I know for me, I did have unresolved issues & feelings about things from the past & childhood. When they bubbled up in therapy, I did have to sorta revisit the experience mentally and work it out for myself, and then forgiving her for her poor choices or acting in a way that hurt me or whatever. I had to let the anger go with forgiveness bc it was hurting me to hold onto it. I did this, one situation (unresolved issue) at a time. She did the best she could with what she had at that time. A human with mistakes.
As an adult I get to have my own life and have some healthy boundaries. I also had to devlop inner boundaries and learn to be "OK" even when others were not. If I allow other people to get under my skin, and Im all upset, triggered -- then I have no power over myself. I also had to look at what triggered me & why. I did not want to be at the whim of others, who often were trying to disturb me & be manipulative. I made the decision to not be manipulatable, I focused on me, loved me as a priority, MYOB, and deached woth love from others, all the while establishing boundaries & following through. It gave me the ultimate freedom & serenity.
Feel good about the space u take, it is healthy. Keep up the good work & remember it is always progress, not perfection.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Hello hoot , Itoo had a nasty relationship with my mother , but in my case I was the problem none the less we were estranged for a long time , here is what i did that helped me reutnite , first I started to change my attitude towards her just be polite . finally I listened to a tape that suggested that I look at my mother thru Gods eyes . that didnt work cause I didnt have a God in my life at that time but I did have friends who knew my mother so I called them and asked them to tell me what they liked about my mother , by the time i finished calling friends I had a list I could study of other peoples opinions of my mother . the list was simple really but things i always forgot. it kinda went like this , They said my mother always looked good , hair always done , dressed nicley They said she was always smiling They said she was very soft spoken and sweet to others ,* I never heard my mother raise her voice to anyone * They said they loved to watch her interact with my dad in such a loving and considerate way . All of these were true but things i took for g ranted , never saw them the way my friends did . For me tht was kinda like a gratitude list and it was just on MOM I read this list for weeks and noticed my attitude was changing , she came to viist several months later and i was able to s ee all those things my friends had pointed out , I was able to tell her I was sorry for the way i had treated her in the past and promised to be a better daughter in the future . Was it always that easy ? NO we still clashed occasionally but never again with the bitter rage I used to feel when interacting with her . I dont know the circumstances in yours and moms relationship but I do know this is hurting both of you . You said (we ) attended a meeting , if you and mom are attending the same meeting , find another one u need space to be able to share honestly and in saftey. Good luck Hoot === I love your nick by the way
Yep Been there done that... :) My Afather was one that could make me tick like no other, I lost him last Nov. to this very disease, and yes I do miss him terribly... For me, and him I think the best defense I had was in reminding myself that "If I expect NOTHING I will not be disappointed"... He had times that he would depand my attention, and in those moments, I felt like "I" was an adult and didn't warrant that kind of treatment and I would leave... It worked.. He changed his tune with me, when he realized I was his Daughter and NOT his doormat... Sometimes we would go WEEKS without breathing a word to each other, but once we did speak he managed to muster up some Much Needed Respect...
I too would carrry his Parenting skills as resentment, but have come to realize he did the best he could with the "Examples" he had in his life as a child... Both His parents were Alcoholics as well... That helped me realize that he too was only HUMAN ....
I will keep you in my prayers :) For you know This Too Shall Pass
