The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well it finally happened. My brother in law was arrested at a meth lab. He was cooking up a batch when the police raided it. He's sitting in jail with no bail. More charges are pending. This was only a matter of time. Five years ago the family garage burnt down. The police had no proof that it was meth but they had a sneaking suspicion. Thank goodness the garage wasn't attached to the house. That could have meant death for the family.
I spent a lot of time talking to my sister. She's all over the place emotionally. Can't blame her for that. She's ready to file for divorce, thow out his things... I tried to calm her down and remind her to stay in the moment. I talked to my youngest niece. She's so upset that Dad won't be there to see her varsity soccer games. She doesn't get why he doesn't call. I told her he probably can't. That he's probably feeling ashamed. I reminded her that this he has this disease. She's afraid for him. She's all over the place too. The older one is glad he's in jail. She's had enough. But I know she feels other things as well.
Both nieces will bury their real emotions. One will play soccer till she drops, the other will concentrate on college and feel all the hate in the world towards him. She told me that she was humoring me when I send her readings and she never has read any of the books. I told her she doesn't have to humor me and that if she doesn't want me to send her readings, that's okay. It's her choice. It makes me sad though. I thought I was getting through to her. Oh well. Perhaps in time. I do worry about the long term ramifications on all of them. I see the way my sister is. I see the way the girls are. I just have to detach and turn them over to their HP.
I did remind my sister that NOW is the time to seek recovery for herself and the girls. The best thing she could do for this family is to get her and the girls to face to face meetings. I don't know how much she really heard. Maybe just maybe this will prompt her. Time will tell. I've been sending her daily emails from Hazelden when they hit home. One or twice she's emailed me back saying thank you she needed to hear that.
If you could send some prayers this way for this family. They need it. Dad is not the only sick one in the family. This is truly a family disease. Love and blessings to you and your families.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
-- Edited by Karilynn on Thursday 10th of September 2009 08:23:39 AM
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Hopefully this is what will help ur sis get herself to meetings & program. I dont know, I tried to talk to my mom about alanon for over 20 years, now I just accept her where she is at. I know she does like the positive changes in me but so far she isnt doing any therapy of her own. I had to waaaay deatch from it & finally did.
Im sorry ur family is going through this right now. Would the kiddo that is fed up go to mtgs with you or be inclined to do alateen? I know it is hard to know what to do and how to help. I felt like I was screaming in the wind.
Prayers on the way. (((((((((((( KL )))))))))))))
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
So sorry that your family is having to deal with this. Glad you wee there to talk to your sister. Hopefully, this will bring on some positive changes. I will keep all of you in my prayers.
I want everyone to discover the peace and serenity that I've discovered.
My sponsor always catches me, reminding me, that if I say it more than once, I am officially a nag. She reminds me, that #1.) they gotta need it, #2.) they gotta want it, and #3.) they gotta ask for it.
It's so unfortunate, when they could just listen to ME, and spare themselves some suffering!!!!! However, this is not accepting powerlessness.
I read this recently... how do we know what HP's will is? You just keep moving, and when you hit a wall, take a left.
I pray that you protect yourself and your own serenity, Karilynn, during this time of high drama. Your sister is so lucky to have you as an example. May it all unfold, according to HP's will. (((hugs)))
-- Edited by glad lee on Thursday 10th of September 2009 08:19:48 AM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I sure hope your sister can get into the program and into meetings- She is going to need the full package of the program- Its her choice, though- In the meantime all you can do is lift her in prayer that she does!
My heart absolutely bleeds for the daughters- When it comes to children, I get really upset- I see how angry and damaged my daughter's two are over her drugging- They won't speak to me because I did not take them away from her- I did not because I was deceived as to how bad she was on drugs- Close people who were right there with her lied to me and said "oh she is ok, just occasional recreational use" blah blah and, not wanting to accept it, I believed them and also my ND appeared so normal back then- Good job- Nice car- I was ignorant and naive to how sneaky this disease is until she got so bad, there was no hiding it- She got arrested for disorderly conduct and by then, the kids were old enough to strike out on their own- The oldest is still angry at me for not riding to the rescue- What a disaster this causes!
I sure hope all of them can get help for the anger and betrayal they must be feeling.
Getting arrested does not necessarily help the addict- I hope your sister can see this as a "wake up call" to take care of herself- Focus on her and the children and get in the program!
I am so sorry this happened!
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Who knows - denial is fairly easy to come by when nothing "official" happens... maybe it will be tougher for your sister to ignore the facts, as her hubby is sitting in jail.... here's hoping that your sister & nieces seek recovery for themselves, and that this is the "rock bottom" that your brother-in-law needed to find...
Take care Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I will bet she reads everyone of those emails Perhaps now your sister will seek some recovery for herself . This crap is so hard on the kids , the embarrasment , the family dynamics take on a whole new look now , reality has hit big time . Prayers for family , you bet
My first thought was "Okay HP can work undercover as a NARC if HP wants to." I see this as another opportunity for change from my experiences in the past. God opportunities; he gets caught the family gets caught with him. He goes to jail he gets the opportunity to sweat the whole thing out and thinking and may be meet a person doing AA or NA service in the jail. He gets to face a judge and legal system that the program of recovery has reached and has shown the face of recovery. The family gets an opportunity to sit with other friends, family and associates of alcoholics and addicts. If possible take her to her first meeting. The girls may also hear "your story" as in speaker meeting style especially that part where you find the door with the light behind it called Al-Anon. Just some suggestions. I know and respect your recovery it is very helpful and supportive.
It is truly a family disease.....on a good note he is still alive...he still has a chance to make his life right...maybe jail is just what he needs....maybe just maybe he can get it maybe this can be the bottom I am sure you have all prayed for...
You have my prayers from the bottom of my heart.....I have seen what it has done to my children I never really realized until lately how it tore my daughter apart....
kari, sorry to hear of this development in your family. You have done your best I'm sure and I just think that now the next move is up to them. You have assured them there is help and hope with the Program, and it is one of attraction. Bless yer heart and prayers to all. pw
He's sitting in jail with no bail. More charges are pending. This was only a matter of time. Five years ago the family garage burnt down. The police had no proof that it was meth but they had a sneaking suspicion. Thank goodness the garage wasn't attached to the house. That could have meant death for the family.
I tried to calm her down and remind her to stay in the moment. I talked to my youngest niece. She's so upset that Dad won't be there to see her varsity soccer games. She doesn't get why he doesn't call. I told her he probably can't. That he's probably feeling ashamed. I reminded her that this he has this disease. She's afraid for him. She's all over the place too. 
Love and blessings to you and your families.
Perhaps now your sister will seek some recovery for herself . This crap is so hard on the kids , the embarrasment , the family dynamics take on a whole new look now , reality has hit big time . Prayers for family , you bet
