The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I shared on this the other day during a meeting and wanted to post my thoughts on it here as well.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately along the lines of examining what drives me crazy about other people in my life and the notion that this may be because it's something I don't like about myself. And in this process dutifully beating myself up about those very defects of character that I uncover.
But then I got to thinking about a time when I had a crush on someone a couple of years ago (which I had been feeling guilty about, even though I didn't act on these feelings) and it occurred to me that maybe it wasn't really about this other person after all, but that they reflected qualities that I have and find attractive but for whatever reason wasn't seeing until now.
So now rather than feel guilty about what I perceived to be inappropriate feelings for someone, I feel like a burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I have the choice to look at how I feel about anyone, whether it's good OR bad, and potentially find something to celebrate or something that needs a little more work.
I mean, if I can find negative things about myself when examining my feelings about others, why not also find positive things as well? It sure feels better to balance out the bad with the good....
Well I think that is just brilliant!!! And I am going to remember that!!!
I don't necessairly buy the whole if you spot it, you got it thing. Sometime I geniunly do not like a person. It has nothing to do with me seeing qualities of myself in them. I just do not find some people entertaining nor do I desire to spend time with them.
But I like the idea that if the negative is true than the positive must be also!! I have a friend whom I really enjoy. I admire her and have a great time with her. Maybe we share some qualities!!!
What separate us from animals drives is we don't have to act on our attractions.
I am proud of you! We don't have to feel guilty for feelings we have! It is not like we got a bowl and made a potion to get that feeling! It comes and goes.
Being a widow I had LOTS of thoughts that I did not act on. Even now I do. It is perfectly natural.
I know a great book that teaches, we start thinking, then we dwell, then we feed it, we take a taste, then we don't turn away. Then we feel guilt.
But you chose to not act on it. That to me is the whole thing about morals. It isn't that we don't think of things, it is we choose not to do things we believe are wrong.
oh Yes, I totally agree... it is most usually things we dont like about ourselves that bug us in others - pot calling the kettle black syndrome. I liek how u flip it and choose to recognize that u like the positive qualities u have in others and can appreciate them for what it is. As a former person that kicked me so fast that u didnt get a chance -- kick me when I'm down -- when I surrendered and relinquished that behavior, no one did come running to kick me!
It is much easier and more effective to encourage myself then to beat myself up. I encourage u to try it and I even dare you, to try it & prove me wrong, hehe.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I shared on this the other day during a meeting and wanted to post my thoughts on it here as well.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately along the lines of examining what drives me crazy about other people in my life and the notion that this may be because it's something I don't like about myself. And in this process dutifully beating myself up about those very defects of character that I uncover.
But then I got to thinking about a time when I had a crush on someone a couple of years ago (which I had been feeling guilty about, even though I didn't act on these feelings) and it occurred to me that maybe it wasn't really about this other person after all, but that they reflected qualities that I have and find attractive but for whatever reason wasn't seeing until now.
So now rather than feel guilty about what I perceived to be inappropriate feelings for someone, I feel like a burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I have the choice to look at how I feel about anyone, whether it's good OR bad, and potentially find something to celebrate or something that needs a little more work.
I mean, if I can find negative things about myself when examining my feelings about others, why not also find positive things as well? It sure feels better to balance out the bad with the good....
As always, I'm interested in your feedback.
Love in recovery,
bg
This brilliant blender girl thanks for sharing. I too as of late have had a similar revelation. I realise that the man I had fallen for has good qualities that I have and ones that I wish to have. Even though this relationship I was not ready for there is the positive to hold onto. I do know what qualities I find attractive as some of them are my own positive attributes. Kinda different to your share tho similar in a sense
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Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose.
