The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was in a therapy group for 9 weeks. I had really hoped after the group that someone would call or email from the list we circulated. Noone has. I really don't want to be the person who organizes this because I have a great deal on my plate as it is. I feel like I am always the one who gives and I have had to take a back seat on this one.
I have to say I find it awfully hard to give up people pleasing and being a martyr. I'm only able to do it at the moment because I really do have too much on my plate and simply can't be hercules anymore.
Some of us have to get to breaking point before we give up destructive habits.
I can relate to this, but in the exact opposite end of the spectrum.
My temptation is to chronically isolate myself from others, figuring they must have better things to do, since they're not calling me... or better people to spend time with, since they're not calling me... I've had to purposely open up and put myself out there, needing to get some sort of network together now that aH is not at the centre of my life. I've been pleasantly surprised at how receptive people have been to me, and just today I was asked about going out with a group of girls from work, for this weekend. I've been told that I'm not very approachable - intimidating even. So I've decided to work on that. Im pleased with the results so far!
Your posts brings to mind a "break through" moment for me- My best g.f is married to a gamblaholic (sp)- He gambles- Bad!! 70k credit card debt-
My g.f and I got into an alanon group- Me for my X AH and drinking family and my friend for her gambler-
We saw that the group was very cliquey and because we were kinda quiet or whatever, the other members kind of excluded us- We always volunteered to clean up after the meets, help with the refreshments, etc, and the other ladies "tolerated" us rather than treat us as equals- End result- We left- We just quit going back
We got on line, chat meets either at her house or mine and because I have several computers, we mostly met at my house- She would log on with her name and me, mine and we found love and support more on line then at that fac2fac group.
This past 6 weeks or so, I have not heard a peep from her- I would call and leave a message and no answer-
The old Neshema would have written it off and isolated herself over being "abandoned"- I gave her the benefit of the doubt and called again! She answered me and was so very sorry to have taken leave of me, but she was sick! Anxiety attacks to the tune of chest pain- She was so sorry for detaching from me but detached from everyone but her kids and hubby!
I was so proud of me for persisting and giving her the benefit of the doubt- It was not like she returned my call and told me to jump off a bridge- She was "out of the pocket" due to anxiety- We are going to go out for dinner and prop each other up-
I hope this reply of mine wasn't too far off topic, but both of you helped me see some things about myself- It is so funny, how this program kind of "sneaks up on me" and I will see a post and go "AHA!!" I have improved on something!
My sponsor told me not all therapists are good- Not all fac2fac meets are good- I see that now- I just have to trust in my new discernment skills and follow my inner voice-
Thank you for your posts
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
for me you have just confirmed what I ahve believed for yrs , Our support from Al-Anon and the people in it never ends , there is always someone to talk too . some support groups are like a good book , its great but put it down and six weeks later u forget what u read and things start to go back the way they used to be . The continuous repetion of stps traditions keeps me on track . No group is a mistake we can never stop learning . Take one thing from it and it wasnt a waste . Louise
One thing I am going to do is hold back and then step in at a later time. I do not need to be the first one to make a move. I do have support here and some elsewere. I've always looked for support in places I might not necessarily get it.
