The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
First time on here and been to 2 al-anon meetings here in the UK, very helpful really.
Girlfriend has recently admitted she's an alcoholic, her mum was an alcoholic (grown up with it), finding bottles around the house, very matriarchial emotionally controlling woman in the irish-catholic frame of mind.
We have a 2 year old daugher (I have a 6 1/2yr old daughter with my ex-wife who lives with us for about 40% of the time in shared care arrangement) and this is all killing me inside really.
Just wanted to say high and needed someone to talk to really.
Welcome to MIP. I am so glad you found us and the local alanon meetings in your hometown.
I am from he United States and just wanted to welcome you. I know we have members from the UK who will be able to welcome you as well.
I too felt lost and in a great deal of pain when I walked thru the doors of AlAnon many years ago. Here I found tools that enabled me to live my life while loving an alcoholic. I learned that was powerless over alcohol and the alcoholic but that I could find help for myself by coming to these rooms and focusing my energy and my attention on myself and living my life in the most constructive manner.
This web site has a chat room that you can use 24/7. Here we can connect with people who have walked in your shoes and can share their experiencre strength and hope with you. Meetings are held here twice a day and I find them a great supplement to my face to face meetings.
You are not alone. Please keep coming back and sharing. This is truly how we help each other grow. Betty
HI and wecome , we have meetings on this site * chat room * at 9am and pm daily , we are a international site there are people here from all over the world this truly is a world wide fellowship , happy to hear your attending meetings for yourself , we have several people here from the UK . scotland and england , hope to see u in the chat room . Louise
Welcome home jitsuka. You have arrived at the MIP forum and a large room of loving, caring, experienced family, friends, spouses and associates of their own personal alcoholics. I am glad you found your first 2 meetings very helpful. Get involved with it and you will realize major personal miracles in your life. In support (((((hugs)))))
Hi , I am from England and have been attending Al anon for around 18 months now. One thing I have learnt about al anon is it is a world wide felloship, we can attend a meeting in any country anf feel right at home. You see we all have something in common we love someone who has a problem with drinking.
I attend two different meeting a week where I live and this site has given me lots and lots of kind, caring support.
We say in al non keep coming back try 6 meetings if its not for you we will give you your misery back. I didnt want misery for myself or my children so I kept going to meetings, came on here and read, read, and read my books. I hope this helps this is such a great fellowship hope you enjoy your journey.
It really is killing me inside and I feel really alone in the relationship. Things are really tough actually. The GF is going to AA meetings and is going to at least 2 a week, it's tough because we have next-to-no family support, they are totally useless and unsupportive. This adds strain to my mental health and stuff in general.
I've only just learned to 'let go' and the GF admits she has the disease and sees it as a disease. She's pretty shaken up the AA meetings and the fact that she could be dead, brain damaged etc by the time she is 50 and the effects on our daughter and my daughter (who has a fantastic relationship with GF).
We've had a few tussles over the last year, before she admitted she was an AA, things got a bit physical, I've threatened to call the police and have her removed from the house, broken windows, stuff like that. I'm exhausted.
I said to her that I felt that if anyone treated me like this normally I would tell them to go away, and if we didn't have a child together I'd leave.
Sometimes I feel dead inside. :O(
-- Edited by tlcate on Tuesday 8th of September 2009 11:29:21 AM
Hi Jitsuka The scene you describe in your home sounds all too familar.
I understand how you are feeling . I also felt dead inside and very very lonely and empty when I first arrived at the doors of alanon. I was told to try 6 different meetings before deciding if alanon was for me. I did just that. I discovered that I started to feel better after each meeting so I kept going back. Some of the simple tools worked like a miracle for me.
In the early days I found that:
Reading literature each day, writing a gratitude list each morning and living one day at a time (refusing to look at the past or project into the future) truly enable me to feel hope inside. Meetings were also essential and posting here an added bonus. Please keep reaching out and coming back. You and your family are worth it.
-- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 8th of September 2009 08:48:25 PM
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 9th of September 2009 03:17:14 PM
For me loving and living with an alcoholic made feel hopeless and helpless, and, ultimately, dead inside..... too much for anyone to bear.....I was/am powerless over this disease.
I hit rock bottom and knew the only person I could save was me.... how the hell was I going to do that?.... I didn't know..... but when I found this forum one desperate night in January, I posted as you have and I kept/keep coming back. I 'willingly' absorbed the ES&H shared here and took myself to a f2f meeting which I keep going back to.
Through practicing loving detachment, (it's definately a one day at a time job for me).....it's working. I have realised in the last few days that I have let go of the fear. There's still lots of 'stuff' going on with the A but I haul the tools out the box, read, and use the phone numbers so generousley given at the f2f meetings....my lifelines....it's a relief to talk to people who 'just know'.
Keep coming back......(((hugs)))) to you and yours....Ness
I read a couple of the al-anon leaflets this morning before heading off for work, gave me some strength.
I think I'm on the first step - admitting I have no power over alcohol and indeed our lives have started to become unmanageable. We were managing in a way that daughter was fed, clothed, loved and looked after, we were both going to work - but on a personal and emotional level life was becoming unmanageable. I'm so glad I've found this place.
I'm reading His Holiness the Dalai Lama's pocket book, essence of happiness too on the bus into work and back again...
Things seem to be going OK. The GF has been drinking a couple of times - you know when you can just "tell"? There was a reading at the last al-anon meeting I went to which described alcohol disease like an organic disease, alzheimers was the example, where it is the same person but it's not. They look the same but it's not them. That's exactly what the GF is like.
I found myself searching again for the alcohol and stopped myself - part of letting go. What will be will be, but I can't quite detach myself totally. When I do it's like a mental shutter just comes down and that's the hardest thing to do.
Today we went to a Quaker meeting, the GF has been to a few of these and found spiritual comfort.
Whist sitting there in the silence, I felt my mind going into the "zone", I used to do meditation when I was studying at school, to calm myself. Also as I used to do a lot of martial arts, it sort of came with the territory (!).
Today I was just focusing on the alcohol and reaching out. It was very upsetting emotionally and I felt tearful. Letting go is so hard isn't it? I'm tearful typing this now.
I think I reached out to what you would call the higher power. I'm not sure what to call it but I felt a comfort, a warmth, a sense of total humbleness and it was so overpowering, it is now. With that came peace and serenity. I think I may be moving to step 2.
The GF didn't go to the AA meeting on sun night but I've texted her suggesting she go to one tonight. I'll look after baby and make sure she gets to bed etc so the GF doesn't have an excuse. i'm sure she will say "I'm tired" etc, it being monday night and first day back at work for the week.
Not been able to get into the chatroom tonight for some reason - feeling the need to connect.
I don't think the al-anon meeting I've been to has any sponsors - there is only 4 regulars who go and they are women (I'm a bloke and my GF is in recovery).
I'll try another local meeting who hopefully have more men and someone who can act as a sponsor.
The GF went to an AA meeting tonight but it wasn't much help to her - about 20 odd people there nearly all blokes in their late 40s, she didn't connect.
I've suggested going to other meetings, but we had a little chat tonight.
I said that I've taken the 1st step and that I can't help her - she has a disease and I can't help her with that. Only she can do it. I will support her but she has to do it herself.
I have a very high suspicion that she's been drinking this week and this is all killing me inside...
