The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Recently in the past few months I met a neighbor who told me he was sober and living in a clean and sober house. I made a point of not getting too chummy. After a while I noticed that he didn't have much together and always had money problems. That was a red flag. Last week I learned from him that he isn't really sober, he had a different definition of it than I have. For a whole week I've been sulking that I invested time in getting to know him and had this 'hope" I might have a friend who lived nearby.
Now I realise I had the wrong attitude, I should expect to have glitches, Prince Charming isn't waiting in the wings. I am on the right track by taking any kind of relationship, be it friendship, neighbor whatever slowly and carefully. I know where charging in got me.
I bemoan that I don't get to rush in and then be trapped but I now realise I am absolutely on the right track with being extremely cautious where I spend my time and energy.
I have always beleived that IF I "Expect Nothing" I will not be disappointed... For what is meant to be will be...For My HP Has me Right were I am suppose to be...
Well, there's nothing wrong with giving someone the benefit of the doubt. IMO, nothing gained, nothing lost. And there just may be a good friend in the end.
If I find that things are not what they seemed, well then I just recoup, readjust and move on. But I never regret putting myself out there in the first place. If I don't then something good could pass right by. I am much happier extending myself a little than not at all, regardless of the outcome. And once things become clear (in the friendship/relationship), the better I am for at least trying.
That was a close one Maresie can you still pick them or not? But for the honesty you arrived at a better location. The disease is everywhere and today its okay cause I've got a different program of living with it. (((((hugs)))))
Well I actually don't see the reason to live in a clean and sober house if you aren't actually sober. They are more expensive than renting elsewhere. For me that kind of convolution is a big big red flag. I don't have some huge confrontation anymore. I don't try to fix them. I just keep very very busy. Being busy is a great boundary. Maresie.
-- Edited by maresie on Thursday 3rd of September 2009 07:27:53 PM
Dear friend, where he lives and why he lives there is that really a concern of yours???? Personally I would slow way down dear friend.....this is up to you of course, however he tries to gain his recovery is up to him isn't it????
Maresie, we live in a crazy world, addiction is everywhere I see families torn apart every day dear friend.
Keep your eyes and heart open......remember God has his own plan.
Of course it is none of my business and I've made a point of it Nevertheless I do get to choose how I interact and not get cauight in fixing anyone but myself.
I am very very very cautious on any kind of friendship because I have reason to be. The last addict's mess is still in my lap why would I add another.
Maresie...isn't it great to not need that in our lives anymore?? I believe that comes from being perfectly okay alone and with who we are, which I clearly see is the case with you. :O) I figure that will only attract higher quality relationships.
I think the real issue for me is to get rid of the fairy tale. I know where that got me. I'm not anticipating being alone all my life but I do prefer it to constant unremitting chaos.
