The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm 6 months sober and it became clear that I was a threat to my wife's chances of getting sober, just like she is a threat to my sobriety. I noticed her car outside the bar, went inside and she was with the guy whose window I threw a rock through a year ago. (I don't think she's actually cheating on me, but I feel emotionally cheated on anyway.) I said hi, then left immediately and went straight to a meeting (texting my sponsor along the way, who made some comment about self-will). The next day I told her that I was closing our joint bank accounts (she's overdrawn anyway) and disconnecting her cell phone that I've been paying for since she moved out. She had begged me not to do that and promised to start paying me - but I can't believe a word she says and anyway if she's gonna pay me then she might as well just get her own service. Plus I don't trust myself to not answer her texts and get sucked back into enabling her.
So it's been a day since I did that. I feel pretty empty but I know I did the right thing. Hope it helps her get sober, but not holding my breath.
She already got a new number and is texting me from it. I have not responded. Don't want to change my number because of my business but i guess i can block her.
I dont think blocking her will help necessarily if you aren't divorced because I suspect you still may have to discuss things with her on occassion, but I do think re-inforcing your boundaries is key right now for your own health. You can easily say to her, "I will not discuss anything with you unless it pertains to....." so really cut out any unwanted conversation that may get thrown your way.
You may have to talk about certain things. I am not sure, so you can easily say, "Don't contact me unless it's for..." and then leave it at that. You'll know whether or not you need to respond to something.
Start reading up on your boundaries, hitting your meetings, and focussing on you. I'm so sorry you're going through this. IP
Good detachment FS and great follow thru keeping yourself in check. Going to the bar didn't help me either. One time I ended up giving her a drinking lesson that only resulted in her (the alcoholic of course) telling me "I wish I could drink like that!! Of course she did. What I was thinking about isn't found under the subject sanity. Anyhow I finally ended up doing the detachment similar to what you've done here and it worked very well. I had a good sponsor then also. Self Will???? of course never left home without it...until I found it was attached to another self thingy....self pity...sick.
You're learning alot...Grateful that you're bringing the outcomes here so that others might use them also.
I hung on for months after separating from the ex A. There were many reasons why, struggling with loose ends for one. I will be years digging myself out from the mess but there is no new mess coming in.
I'm glad you are leaning on your program. Glad you are here.
