The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, here I am in the glass box that I started out in 6 years ago when I first started Al anon!! I could see out but no one could see in!! I was in there alone dealing with my sickness feeling as thou I had no hope for survival But then I was introduced to Ala non by my mother in law who has been in the program for sometime now and each one of you showed me the ropes to survival. In the past years I have been able to slowly crawl out of my glass box but then it seems like I just want to crawl right back in to the glass box! You would think after being in the program for so long I crawl out of the glass box and stay out... Even thou I was alone in the glass box I felt safe.. I didn't have to justify myself I could make my own decisions I didn't have to pretend who I was or even wanted to be I was just me!! My HP knows what I am doing who I am what i need and He knows when its time to give it to me!! Am tired of feeling used beat down discouraged unhappy unsatisfied and untrusted controlled and made to believe all I have to do is provide a roof over your head and nothing else.... i have been told I act like a high school girl with short answers but there are days I feel like a high school girl... In the past few months I had to make so many changes it has been just over whelming for me and my children and all because of a control freak who refuses to see any thing but what he wants to see... He lost his job in Nov and my world came to a reaching halt not to mention my kids!!!! Am mad angry pissed off and hurt so so so so so so bad it will take a miracle from HP to heal this marriage Frankly I don't want this marriage heal I want the hell out . A 20 year marriage that I have kept alive even to the killing me inside!! Yes, I have 2 sponsors and go to meetings reading my literature and have tons of face to face meetings.. I keep the focus on me... Am just letting out some stream!!!
In the past few months I have put both my kids in school, found a full time job, and sleeping in another room keeping the focus on me!!! I have put up with being put down with comments like I don't make much to your no good and other degrading comments like you'll be fired after 3 days of working there just because I made a comment about my kids!!! No appreciation at all!!! It hurts and Sucks!!!!!!
Hi Bubbles, Welcome back--I wasn't here when you were here before. Sucks, doesn't it? Everytime I think my DDH of decades has it together, he goes off on me. And that may not necessarily be a bad thing, this last time around, for me. (I don't have any small children and am talking about myself), because I was reading today in a Big Red Book for another 12 step program about how even us noncoms have to hit bottom. And I think I did this past winter and spring. And maybe this time I am really going to stick around and get it. I tend to let myself get bullied almost out of existence, and I know that is my problem. One of my issues. Here's to us! And our wonderful MIP friends! Temple
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
I learned that the phrase "consider the source" was good introspection for me. How could I ever expect my alcoholic wife to be positive and agreeable with anything. So I stopped and just let her feel bad all by herself. Your post reminded me of my sponsor asking me, "So what you're saying is that words can really hurt you?!!" My ego laughed and my pride blushed with that one.
Lots will hurt till we learn not to let it. Keep coming back more often. (((((hugs)))))
Welcome home! We've missed you. I am so sorry you are going through all of this. You are a sweet, loving, kind, funny and strong woman. Never forget that. I wish I had the answers for you. But we both know that it's the insanity of the disease that makes them that way. Nothing we can do about it. You are doing all the right things. You are working your program, you are coming here to vent and you are taking care of your children. Hopefully things will ease up soon. Sending you much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
. A 20 year marriage that I have kept alive even to the killing me inside!! Yes, I have 2 sponsors and go to meetings reading my literature and have tons of face to face meetings.. I keep the focus on me... Am just letting out some stream!!!
We've missed you. I am so sorry you are going through all of this. You are a sweet, loving, kind, funny and strong woman. 
Never forget that. I wish I had the answers for you. But we both know that it's the insanity of the disease that makes them that way. Nothing we can do about it. You are doing all the right things. You are working your program, you are coming here to vent and you are taking care of your children. Hopefully things will ease up soon. Sending you much love and blessings to you and your family. 
