The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Literally drug myself, covered in sweat and bug spray (from Soccer practice) to my F2F meeting tonight. It took everything I had to get there because honestly, all I wanted to do was come home from practice and sleep.
I prayed on the way there for HP to speak to me through that room and those people. I prayed for Him to take my will, and to please lead me back to the serenity I had back in January when I reached my first little bit of acceptance.
Turns out the lady schedule to speak wasn't there, and I was to lead next week, so I decided to take her turn-I need to take her turn. I read from Hope for Today and it lead me to think about where I was right now. I talked about patience and reacting and controlling-all major character issues (I hate to use faults) that I see that I possess.
Everyone spoke and I listened to shares about patience and lack thereof-lol, about needing to move forward and "unstick" ourselves in our program, and about expectations. Every single person in that meeting spoke to me in one way or another about where I am right now, and I left that room feeling more at peace than I have in months.
I realize I am hardest on myself (my sponsor has told me this often and I know she is correct). I lack patience. I continue to have expectations even when it is MY expectations that continue to let me down. I am a reacter in EVERY sense of the word, and I continue to attempt to control other people through my actions or inactions. BUT I am a good person, who makes mistakes. I am continuing to work my program to the best of my ability and am making progress daily-in baby steps.......and that's ok.........I have the rest of my life to do this and it will take just that long.
I realized tonight that I need to learn to love me, trust my HP and turn things over to Him and let go of the control.....He is the only one who needs to be in control....I realized tonight that it is about progress NOT PERFECTION and coming from a perfectionist that is a hard one, but I am still here and I will keep coming back......
Thank you all so much for all the ESH in response to my posts........You are each a blessing and I continue to expect a miracle.
love and peace shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
This post resonates with me -- I too am recovering from perfectionism, was my hardest critic, was still attmepting to control & impose my will... . Once I accepted total and utter powerlessness over everything/one else in the world -- I got to then take responsibility and control over self. I lowered the expectations of myself dramatically and decided that my mistakes were teaching me and that mistakes are to be expected. To recognize a mistake and let it go completely but still taking my lesson with me.
When I was able to love myself, even in the smallest bit - like I am a new person or friend - so I could love me objectively - it felt very odd doing "nice" things for me and I still work on that. Since I am loving myself as a fulll time job - and not concerning myself with others - I feel like I am closer to HP and hear more clearly.
This is a very powrful post ~ u prayed to be touched by the members at the meeting and as u said, your prayer was granted... that was a swift response, your HP is listening.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
