The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
of mysef. I had a mini setback. My AH-dry drunk didn't go to AA last night. He had opportunity everywhere and didn't take it. He waited and waited for a friend to go with whom couldn't go, and when that person fell through, he used it as an excuse and bailed. There were several meetings he could have gone to alone, but ahhh...well, you know "the rest of the story"
So, I minimally started to obsess and get angry and then shifted. I started to shift out my anger to positive thoughts and then went to an al-anon meeting.
When I announced my departure, I think my husband's eyes were going to pop out. I really shocked him. He asked if I was angry. I said no, but I didn't want to waste a night.
Last night I hugged him and I could tell by the two HUGE sighs he took, he was ashamed. He asked if I was mad this morning and I said no again, but I did say I was a bit disappointed and left it at that. I didn't do it in an angry way. "Say what you mean, but don't say it mean."
I could have let this fester, but didn't.
He started to read an old blue AA book last night. I don't know enough about AA books to know which one it is. I breezed it a bit. Not sure if it was for my benefit he picked it up or he really wanted to, but again, I'm not dwelling on it.
Today I had some good news about a class I'm taking, so I'm fillng my day with good thoughts and keeping my mind busy.
Life is good. I'm trying to hand my AH over to my HP. It's a struggle. Thanks for listening.
Great detachment. Serinity saved. HP will be there if you decide to hand your AH over to him. He has the time and the ability. He can "fix" what we can't whether they are active alocholics or dry alocholics.
I did just that. Time after time I would give AW to HP and then take her back. That went on for years. When I finally did turn my AW over to my HP 100%, and did not once take her back, guess what, three months later after 17 years of drinking to excess every day she became sober. That was April 15th this year. She is still sober. Everytime during the three months that the thought entered my mind about taking her back, I would visualize the day I gave my AW to my HP in a room with with very little light, then visualize turning and walking out of the room an into the sunshine as I shut the door behind me. I reminded every day that she was in the best hands she could possibly be in, my HP.
You will never know the sense of relief that came over me that day. I accepted that it was not my problem anymore. I took all the worry away. I felt the weight being lifted from my shoulders, and gave me a feeling of "detachment with love" like I had never experienced before.
When I look back I want to "drop kick" my rear end, because the solution was right there in front of my eyes all the time. Oh, but we are all fixers and controllers aren't we. HP has a sense of humor, so I know he had been laughing at me and all my attempts at "fixin" and "controlling" my AW over the years.
Hugs, RLC
P.S. My prayer everyday during that three months was always the same. I would pray "God make her better or make her worse, I'm sick and tired of the middle." He chose to make her better.
-- Edited by RLC on Thursday 20th of August 2009 03:09:14 PM
-- Edited by RLC on Thursday 20th of August 2009 03:13:24 PM
Atta girl , take care of you,you have a right to say u are dissapointed and then let it go . sounds like your doin just fine . i got scared too when husb missed meetings but did realize that it was about me and my fears afraid that old stuff would start all over again , but i reminded myself that regardless of what he was doing I was going to be ok as long as i continued to look after me . Louise
