The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
No matter how hard I try, I cannot ignore the crazy, little thoughts running around in my head. Yesterday I had anxiety and it's back again today. The reason for it? My husband has court tomorrow for his DUI. He has asked me to go with him, and I'm somewhat glad to be going so I can hear for myself what's going on (instead of just hearing it from him).
I'll admit, we have no idea what's going to happen tomorrow. He was offered a plea deal at his last court hearing (a month ago), so if he goes in tomorrow and accepts the deal, then he could be sentenced tomorrow - or it could be extended another month until he has a sentencing hearing - we just don't know. And not knowing is the hardest part.
I know I'm supposed to focus on something else. I know that I'm supposed to take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time, but I just can't stop the thoughts in my head that are causing my anxiety.
Well, it does sound like tomorrow will be a stressful day for you.
Self-care TODAY could be a good thing for you -
BUT I also remember the times when I couldn't STOP the thoughts about the "What if's" - so my sponsor suggested that I play out all the "what if's" in my head . . .
Maybe if I had some thoughts on the what if's - what my plans would be - what would I do if this happened - maybe it would take the "power" away from it and I could get along with my life.
so I did.
I played out in my head the what if my AH (at the time) relapsed, what if he started drinking, using, stealing, gambling, lying, blah, blah, blah again. What would happen? How would our daughters handle it? our grandchildren? How would I manage financially? and on and on and on?
So I came up with some possible game plans - Options A, B and C. Mainly I realized that I would HURT, be ANGRY, SAD and then I would Pick myself up, trust my HP and somehow, someway - Make it thru it.
AND knowing that - realizing that No matter what me and My God were going to be ok - even better than OK - helped me to set aside that obsessive worry and Fear.
I had walk thru the worse case scenario in my mind and I had made it thru.
Just my e, s, & h Wishing you God's Very Best, Rita
**just in case you don't know my story - those very things that I feared DID come true in my life - and I can assure that I hurt tremendously as I walked thru them - but I was never foresaken by my recovery family nor my the God of my understanding!
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
N8SMOM I have a court date for my divorce next Tuesday. So am feeling some of the same anxiety over court dates that you are, but for different reaons of course.
Rita G had some great suggestions I thought. I too am thinking of self-care. For me that's been taking myself to a Divorce Care group. For you, you need to decide what that looks like for you, in your situation.
The plans A, B, and C are good too. I had a counselor once suggest just that thing. Plan out what I would do in the event of "A" and then have a game plan for "A". Sometimes it helps to know what we would do in certain situations. I know I had to do that when dealing with my ex-husband's parents (my daughter's grandparents). I had to have a plan A, B, and sometimes even a plan C. That served me well. In many cases the events that I was scared were going to happen did, and I had a game plan to deal with them, so I didn't have to worry or fuss when it happened. I just whipped out game plan "A" and did what my counselor and I had decided to do under just such circumstances. (won't go into them here, I've talked about my ex-husband's sexual abuse by his father before, so probably enough said)
I know in al-anon we say to stay in today, don't project , live in the moment...but sometimes it is useful to have a game plan. My suggestion is once you've made that game plan, turn the results over to the God of your understanding and Let the outcome go.
In order to turn the tapes off in your head it will take some practice, but try doing something you like doing (for me it's gardening) and "focus" on that. It's really easy for me to "focus" on pulling up weeds when all I really want to do it "rip" the head off my A! Anyway it's a good (safe) way to release energy and pent up anger too!
Good luck to you and your husband on your court date and remember that none of us truly knows what our future holds anyway, we have to turn that over to our HP.
Overcome
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
All challenges are a sign of spiritual strength, and of
the readiness to move on; to evolve even
further. ~Neale Donald Walsch~
I try to look at all my challenges in this way. If I believe that I will be stronger or wiser when it's over, it's always worth whatever it is I'm facing. It's always an opportunity.
Christy
-- Edited by Christy on Wednesday 19th of August 2009 02:00:55 PM
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I like the analogy I had once heard, about a spinning wheel. You know how a wheel spins round and round... and if I'm riding on the outside of that wheel, I can get frayed and crazy. It's better if I stay close to the center, in the hub, where it's quiet and calm.
That's where HP is. Focus on stillness, and staying centered with your HP. (((hugs)))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
UPDATE: We went to court today and my husband's lawyer advised him to take a deal that had been offered to him (45 days in tent city jail with work release. Once his probation is up, it will go from a felony to a misdemeanor). So he decided to take the deal. We're not sure how long his probation will be (that all depends on the judge). His sentencing has been scheduled for September 15. There is also a chance that he could lose his driver's license for 3 years.
I'm glad I went. I liked that I heard everything for myself instead of getting information second-hand from my husband because you never know if you're getting all the information.
The best part of the whole thing for me was to hear my husband's lawyer say to him "I think you have a drinking problem." It took every ounce of energy I had not to bust out laughing.
-- Edited by N8SMOM on Thursday 20th of August 2009 07:48:24 PM
