It's been horrible, actually.  No matter how much I tried to detach and anti-romanticize my ex, ultimately my mind has wandered back to thoughts of him.  And I miss him. 

So I've been reading.....searching.....for something to speak tp me.  I found this on the Getting Them Sober web site which I have paraphrased to describe my situation:

One thing alcoholics have in common: a knowledge of manipulation skills.

They try to hook into your feelings of inferiority; play on your emotions; your insecurities.  Mine did this by putting on his drunk "I'm superior and know more than you do" hat.  It's amazing how "intellectual" drunks think they are.  How logically they seem to think in spite of their state of stupor.  It amazes me how their minds can actively conjur up with manipulative thoughts in the midst of their toxicity. 

They do this in order to take the focus off them - off the fact that they are the ones with the problem.  They do this in order to put the focus on you. 

However, you can't acknowledge this.  You can't engage them.  You can't fall for this manipulation. 

When my ex tried to make me feel crazy, I tuned him out.  I knew he wanted me to accept that I was the reason why he was drinking so heavily on our vacation.  Or, he wanted me to defend myself so we'd wind up in an endless argument.  His past relationship had been (and still is) very antagonistic that way. I did my best to keep my mouth shut and remain calm.  I knew that if I showed him any sign of weakness he'd pounce on the opportunity.  I became very thoughtful and deliberate with my words.  I was certain to deflect his statements back to him. 

My response to any of his attacks or criticisms:  "If that's what you need to tell yourself in order to excuse your behavior, that's fine.  However, I do not accept any of your blame or responsibility for your problem." 

And he saw my detachment.  I was detaching and didn't even know at the time what I was doing.  Since I wasn't buying into his manipulation or beligerence he had no other recourse than to shut up and accept defeat. 

I hurt like h#ll to push him away like I did.  But I also knew deep down inside that it's what I HAD to do.  I can only credit God for giving me the strength and wisdom to handle this difficult situation as prior to this I had absolutely no interaction with an alcoholic or the A behavior. 

It's been exactly a month today.  I still feel a hole in my life in the areas he used to occupy.  I know that, with time, that hole will become smaller and smaller and I will once again be whole without him. 

In the meantime, I am doing everything I possibly can to move forward....