The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I got divorced to an alcoholic 7 yrs ago which my 2 oldest kids now 19 and 16 really resent their dad for the things he did and don't see him much. But my now 13 yr old was very young and didn't see a lot of what his dad did. He spends one night a week with his father and 9 out of 10 times his dad ends up drunk and he calls me to come pick him up. This is becoming a emotional issue for my son and he really wants to be with his dad and tries to cover for him. How do I talk to him about it and not make it sound like I'm just bad mouthing his dad.
I've found that honesty is best. I discussed the disease of alcoholism with my son and how and what it makes people do. I always made it clear that his Dad loved him but his addiction was so strong that he made bad choices. In essence, I kept the focus on the disease so he wouldn't take it personally. There are Alateen meetings which may be of help if he is willing to go. He would find kids with the same issues and know that he is not alone and learn about the disease. He will also learn that by "covering" for his Dad he is enabling the disease, making matters worse and allowing the disease to thrive.
My son wouldn't attend Alanon so it was up to me to teach him what I discovered in Alanon. If you haven't been to any meetings it would help you help him.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Aloha Colorado...The suggestion to get to Al-Anon meetings is probably the best there is. It is what saved my life and later on when I was doing service in the program I sponsored Alateen for 9 years. Alateen is an extention of the Al-Anon Family Groups were teenagers affected by someone elses drinking (usually family as in your case) can help each other survive the consequences and grow beyond the wreckage. You can find Alateen literature in an A-Anon meeting. The illustrated pamphlet "What's drunk Momma?" is one, the Alateen daily reader (Red and gold) cover is another. I was privileged to be a part of the teen recovery life for a long time. When they get together with the right information and intent they can save each others sanity. The hotline number for Al-Anon is in the white pages of your telephone book. Look it up, call it for information for the meeting places and times in your area and go as soon as you can.
Al-Anon prints some amazing literature for teens , written by teens for teens , our Alateen Program would help your son alot if there is a meeting in your area encourge him to attend .ages for alateen are 13-`19 Alateen has a daily reader called ADAT a day at a time . it will answer all of your sons questions . The lit teaches respect for the alcoholic and explains the disease ,but turns the focus on the teen , reasuring them that the problem is not them , Alateen has been around for 39 yrs , it is a great way to educate your son .
