The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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level.
give me some of that ESH! Just got off the phone with AH. He is sobbing. Just emerging from the latest episode of drinking and drugging with the usual remorse and rawness. He is just so incredibly sick- mentally and physically.
My response to him is basically this- I am so sorry you are in so much pain. I hope you seek out the help you desperately need. Call your sponsor, call your therapists. I am neither of those. I am your wife and your actions affect me and the kids so I cannot be objective. I say this as calmly as I can.
fyi- he still lives in our home. I just work around him/ step over him. We have been riding this rollercoaster all summer and I am hoping our season pass expires soon-- if you know what I mean?!
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In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
I think ur conversation with your AH went well & was good. That is being supportive by telling him to talk to his sponsor, therapist.
Now for you - focus on you, keep on detaching from his disease & focus on what u can change & control ~ YOU.
I used to stare at my step-dad & mom and watch the mistakes they were making. It made me miserable focusing on them & their problems, after all Im powerless to help them. I have to accept where they are, detach from it and focus on me & do what I can do to improve my life.
Enjoy what is left of the summer with the kids. Your AH is not your job, you & your kids are, play, be light, distract yourselves however you can but bond and enjoy today/now.
Getting off of the roller coaster means u have to stop doing what ur doing, even if it is only going there emotionally with him - u can work on inner boundaries. For me it was about me learning to be "OK" even when those I loved weren't. I can be there, loving & supportive but I dont have to take on their feelings. Today I can be ok & sit right by you while u go through ur crisis - u did that with AH, now let it go, give it to HP & keep on practising that loving detachment.
Focus on you, love you first & take care of you ~ whatever that looks like.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
You don't need ESH, you just gave your own ESH. Great! You detached from something you have absolutely no control over. You sat a boundary that you did not want to cross. There is nothing wrong with being sick and tired of being sick and tired.
By detaching, not reacting, and having boundaries you have officially turned in your season pass to the rollercoaster ride. And, yes!!! I do know what you mean. Until I got in this program I thought someone had given me a "Life Time Pass".
You are so impressive...first of how you dealt with AH and just went on with your life I just can't wait till I get there. Looks like you are expressing ESH.
Aloha gknee!! Good program on your part. He needs to start one on his cause it sounds like his current program isn't working. I never knew the miracle that was waiting for me while I was whining and weeping in dispair myself.
When my grandkids and kids for that matter use to do that mope, whine and cry and actout stuff in my house I would give them just one room where they could do as much of it as they wanted without breaking anything. As soon as the door opened so that we could check on how they were doing the acting out had to stop...when the door closed, they could continue. Well it worked with my grand kids and worked good. They would have rather been with the rest of the family and knew what they had to do to get it. I don't know if that would work with your alcoholic husband however those of us who have been around program for a while have talked about the alcoholic stopping their maturity when then start their addiction. Many remain children. Bigger bodies, little growth.
