The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Tonight I came home and dinner was cooking, yard work had been done, there was no drinking . . We had a good night and everyone was able to laugh.
The sad part is that these nights are almost as hard as the drinking nights, sometimes. It makes me realize how good we can be and makes me wonder why so many nights have to be bad. It makes me feel guilty that I was thinking so poorly of my husband for drinking just the night before.
Then I get mad at him for "playing with my emotions". "Why does he have to be nice tonight?" is something I ask when I just get used to being so mad.
Then, I think he's just taking a break from the past 7 nights in a row of drinking. He'll be back to "normal" tomorrow.
Why is all of this so difficult? I love him, but I don't want to be hurt anymore.
So, I will continue to do what is right for me and my son, whether my husband comes with or not. I'm not going to get my hopes up. I will enjoy the good nights when they come and I will find a way to remove myself from the bad nights so that he knows I'm not going to be his whipping post once the beer starts flowing.
One day at a time, right? I will pray for the strength to continue to do what is right for my son and me.
((((confusedmom)))) I know the push and pull feeling too. and now I am scared because during the up times....the down times seem to be lurking in the corner, mocking me. More and more.
"So, I will continue to do what is right for me and my son, whether my husband comes with or not. I'm not going to get my hopes up. I will enjoy the good nights when they come and I will find a way to remove myself from the bad nights so that he knows I'm not going to be his whipping post once the beer starts flowing."
See what this program can do..you've already found some of the biggest tools to get you through each and every day. I didn't realize I had these tools until I was able to look back and see how I had changed for the better by being a part of this program.
I'm glad you had a good day yesterday and wish you many more days just like that.
It is wonderful to hear that you are learned so much already.
Don't be descouraged when you slip, it happens to everyone.
I too deal with the good and the bad days, my resentments go very deep so it is hard to find the good in my a on the good days. I know that with this program I make it through everyday with a little more grace and dignity.
Good Luck, Keep up the good work and keep comng back.
Wow! One good night can be soo precious, and mean so much. I know how you feel, wondering how long the good times will last.
It's hard not to carry a chip on your shoulder wondering what tomorrow will bring, but I try not to think of tomorrow, I find if I think about what could happen, I tense up and don't enjoy what IS happening (make any sense?). I try to take each day, one at a time, treasure each and every minute, and enjoy them as they come. I am happier when I'm not dreading tomorrow, thanking my HP for today. I have found that since I have started learning the Alanon tools, that our life has improved so very, very much.
There have been slip-ups, both with me and my A. I guess we still have to take each day with a grain of salt, but hopefully, for you too, there will eventually be more good days coming more and more often.
I have found that the bad times are getting hazzier in my memory, maybe not totally forgotten, but now I know it wasn't my A in control at those horrible times, it was the disease rearing it's ugly head. I helps a lot to know that. Praying for more happy days ahead for you, Love TLC
Hi Confused ,one of my many lessons was someone telling me NOT TO MISS THE GOOD DAYS by remembering what happened yesterday or worrying about what could happen tomorrow.
That was a great lesson for me, I ruined so many good days with a crappy attitude. Lower your expectations and your life will smooth out quickly. enjoy Louise
