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Just venting tonight... The ^%() hit the fan last night. My dry drunk sober husband "asked" me if he could go out and drink last night with a friend.
I give up. I said "I think I've made it perfectly clear you can do anything you want" He knows up and down that I want to file for a divorce or separation or whichever and these days I think divorce is more cost effective, but this past week he kept prodding me about drinking, like, "hey, do you want a glass of wine?" in which I calmly replied no and walked away.
He promised me after he was kicked out of the house when he cheated, that when he returned he would do anything to save his family. Well, I had a small list that needed to be adhered too, most on it for safety reasons, but the one thing that has been trouble from maybe the 3rd month home has been the alcohol and no drinking.
So tonight I calmly said to him, "If you didn't intend to keep that promise when you wanted to come home you should have never made it. I think if you feel I'm controlling you or you're not happy here, we should separate." Well, he screamed at me that I haven't changed a bit and left the room.
I can see the big picture here, but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt any less. I do think he should be happy, and if that includes drinking he should go do it, by all means, but his decision is his alone and has nothing to do with me and the kids.
Inpain, I can relate to your situation in many ways, especially in that by having our blinders off and seeing a situation for what it really is, I believe it actually enhances our pain. My blinders were like protective pads for me, at the time. Now that they're off, I have nothing to cushion the blow of my reality...except alanon and alanon people. I'm sorry you're sad today. I am too.
I could have wrote your post verbatim, Every single word of it. Yours was last night mines was this morning. I told him the same thing chose which you want to go out and do your own thing and we separate or you stay and work on your family. First it was what do you want then it was nothing has changed you are still the same. unbelievable do they think that it is ok for them to go back to drinking and using. I feel so trapped because my car isn't available right now.
An A not in recovery will do whatever they think they can get away with. That includes drinking cheating, lying, and blaming. Of course they think it is ok, we have taught them how to treat us. We can only change ourselves.
You are all in my thoughts today.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
