The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I saw the ex- ABF last night and had a slip. I had been doing so well taking care of myself, trying to be happy with today, and not trying to force a solution between us. (We're not together, and we're not giving up, nor are we trying again. Distance and opposing schedules keep us apart, and too many slips on his part keep --and my fears about trusting him again--us from being together.
This was just proof that I may be able to plan an event, but I sure can't plan the outcome. I meant to just hang out with him, and attend his sister's going away party, but I ended up crossing boundaries I hadn't meant to cross. I ended up hurting him and not taking care of myself.
I immediately apologized and tried to make amends with him. I believe he accepted my apologies, but I'm still left with being unhappy with myself. I have a hard time keeping boundaries around this guy and I'm back to feeling like I can't trust myself. Sigh. And I had been doing so well.
Just once I would like to not make an of myself around him!
-- Edited by debilyn on Saturday 8th of August 2009 03:26:28 PM
I won't speak for others soooo just for me what I as taught was when I had these "slips" to let them go into my past and stand in the next day. It's progress not perfection. Let go and Let God...great slogan; great program.
Look at it this way, you have valuable information about yourself, (step 4.)
I was doing the exact same thing with my son. What helps, is remembering that I can't change myself, but HP can. So, every time I visit with my son, I prayerfully invite HP to be present, and surrender my will. (No kidding, with HP's help, I can actually stay on my side of the street and keep my mouth shut!)
Forgive yourself. Even in recovery, we are going to have those slips, we are always going to be "perfectly imperfect."
Thanks for sharing. So glad I'm not alone. (((hugs)))
-- Edited by glad lee on Saturday 8th of August 2009 10:18:00 AM
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
This one liner helps me when I am feeling bad about hurting someone's feelings (on top of working Step 10) "worry looks around ; sorry looks back , but ahhhhhh faith looks up
We can't go back and redo yesterday, but we can begin anew today.
Keep looking up, Maria
__________________
If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I used to rush to kick myself too, I would do it b4 u would get the chance but in program no one is rushing to kick you but you, it is old behavior u can let go of. When I make a slip, I call it just that, learn what I can from it & go on. I agree, you are human, forgive yourself for the little blunders and the big stuff too.
I did not no anything about boundaries until someone shared the 6 guidelines with me. I try to post them any time I think it might be appropriate bc it helped me so much, maybe it can help u too.
6 GUIDELINES FOR SETTING BOUNDARIES
HAVE CLEARLY DEFINED EXPECTATIONS.
CLEARLY DEFINED CONSEQUENCES THAT DONT DISRUPT YOUR SERENITY.
SET THEM CLEARLY.
COMMUNICATE THEM THEMCLEARLY.
ENFORCE THEM CONSISTENTLY.
WITHOUT REGARD FOR THE RELATIONSHIP (RELEASE ANY EXPECTATIONS ABOUT THE OUTCOME). Progress not perfection. Take care of yourself whatever that looks like.
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I too found it near impossible to keep a hold on my behaviour around my ex Abf, every time I had a slip I'd feel so hopeless. But with every slip I learnt a valuable lesson about myself. I identified my weak spots and took appropriate action to keep myself healthy. Its a process and takes time. People, places, things are all triggers, dont be so hard on yourself.
One of the things that Al anon is learning me is that I have more compassion for others than I do for myself. If a member of my group has a slip I can say dont be hard on yourself this is a learning journey we make mistakes along the way. Today I try not to beat myself up as much I try to be as patient with myself as I am with others who are in recovery.
The beauty of recovery is that we can restart it any time and any where we want too. I have had so many slips that it's a good thing I have lots of padding back there. You recognize that you've made a mistake. Forgive yourself and move on. Do something positive for you! Celebrate the fact that you know you've made a mistake. The opposite of that is that you didn't realize it and your continued to make the same mistake over and over again. You'll be just fine. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
of myself around him!
; sorry looks back 
, but ahhhhhh faith looks up 
You recognize that you've made a mistake. Forgive yourself and move on. Do something positive for you! Celebrate the fact that you know you've made a mistake. 
The opposite of that is that you didn't realize it and your continued to make the same mistake over and over again. You'll be just fine. Love and blessings to you and your family.