The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I hear that a lot... how do you deal with so much completely alone? I was so full of joy when I was with him and felt like I had someone I could always rely on until suddenly I didn't. Now I'm feeling alone again. I want to get past this but I feel so stuck. So many times I feel like I'm on autopilot and just going through the motions of the day trying not to feel the pain tired of breaking down crying. I totally agree with what mare said in reply to my last post about this being the easy way out for him. It doesn't make it hurt any less and the fact that he wont talk to me and give me an explanation doesn't help me in letting go.
I find myself thinking about how I want to be a good mom, be there for my kids and after just a little while of being around them screaming and fighting with each other I just want to run. Then I feel guilty for running. I can't stand my daughter and I feel guitly for that too. I feel stretched beyond capacity right now and I just wish something would give, become clear to me, change in some way. I feel like I'm at a turning point, I'm going through the motions, getting up at 6 to work out, trying to eat right, trying to get together with the few friends I do have and keep them for support, work 3 jobs and sleep too. I am hoping when school starts back it will ease up some and I'll be able to breathe. The other 2 jobs will go away, bills will go down and I can relax some maybe? I want to take my kids somewhere for a little vacation but every time I think about it I get a feeling of dread for the arguing that comes and the ungreatfulness and I just think why bother? UGH
Hon you "bother" becuz it helps. I invittttttttttttttttttttttttttte you to
Take out one kid at a time to get ice cream, or go for a drive and walk and alloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooher t talk about nothing.
dMy keyboard needs to be shot.
When we get bogged down, we need to get away. Purchase four 2 man rafts great investment. when ya go to a lake or slow river take food a rope etc. go on CL and ask for life jackets.
It costs zero after you buy them. find someone to drive your car to the end of the river trip or have them follow you and they drive ya back to your start place. caroina wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwe have talked about anti stressors a million times.
ITworks>
WILL pm you later. I am going to shoot this keyboard adn bury it in the pastuire, then going to get one from goodwill. I mean it.
I love you honey. don't give up. You are so bogged you don't even know it
It hel[ed je;[ helped me so much ttttttttttttttttttttttttto find my own jjoy. I don' need a man. I love them, would love to have one to spoil love and share eden with.
I can understand how you are feeling. When EXABF broke up with me, I was blindsided. We had had our times but I believed we were in love and were worth working at things. Of course he didn't. He even went so far as to tell this new woman he was trying to date that he "thought relationships should be easy and he didn't think you should have to work at them" Who in this world today says or thinks stupid garbage like that?????
Anyway I pray for you and hope when the kids get back to school you can find some peace in things. You may be going through the motions right now but you keep doing what you are doing. In recovery we have to take care of ourselves physically and spiritually remember?
Keep it simple and a day at a time and hour at a time if you have to.... This too shall pass........trust your HP that you are right where you need to be! peace and love Shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
My Dad used to say "You have to have some weight on your shoulders to keep your feet on the ground." There's some truth to that.
For every weight we have on our shoulders there is always an opportunity to learn and grow. Sometimes we get the same lessons sent to us over and over. Why? Because we haven't learned that lesson and we can't move forward until we get it right. I tend to ask myself what is my lesson here? What is to be learned? I sure don't want some of the lessons to return!
I haven't posted much about myself this summer, but the weight on my shoulders and my heart is very heavy (nothing to do with my husband). I'm just not ready to share here because I haven't figured out my lesson and it would serve no purpose but to look like I was wanting sympathy or something. It will come to me and I will know, just as you will.
My belief is the harder life is, the more lessons I've learned. There's not one thing I've gone through that hasn't made me stronger or wiser in some way. So far I've survived, and learned something from every one of them. This is why I "seek" the answers. I want to learn it and move on. (Get it over with!! LOL!!)
This particular round is rough and lengthy for me. In HP's time.
Take care, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Actually I think is the short term easy way out because of course his family is going nowhere. I thnk its actually too much to think he could explain that. If you are running away from something one isn't actually conscious of doing that. Obviously he hit some kind of a wall and ran. If he could articulate it he wouldn't have run in the first place.
I do know well what abandonment does. I've been there and done that. The last relationship I had with the ex A I felt tremendously abandoned. Over time I have come to see he was very very ill. What he did to himself was every bit as bad as he did to me and the pets. I make a huge point of not knowing where he is.
I believe transitioning out of an alcoholic relationship is a huge mountain some of us have to climb. Financial hardship is a huge part of it. That is why so many of us stay and stay and stay because we know what is ahead of us is so daunting. I know I stayed until I could not stay anymore. I will be picking up the pieces for years but I am picking them up day in day out and I know some day the hardship will be over.
Breathe in and breathe out. I remember those times with the kids, work, life'e challenges. For me, I had such high expectations for myself. I couldn't understand why I was yelling at those kids that I wanted to have so much. But it came back to me and my expectations. Taking care of myself first and then the family seem to help.
The way I deal with being lonely is just to be lonely. I miss my Tim very much. When the tears come, I don't fight them. I let them come. I get it out of my system. So go ahead and grieve for him.
There's a difference between being alone and being lonely. I've always enjoyed my solitude. Maybe it's because I've always been this really independent person. I don't know.
With all that you are going through you really just have to take it ODAT. I know sometimes that can sound trite, but it's true. This is life on life's terms. With adversity comes strength. You're not doing anything wrong. You're doing the best you can. That's all one can do. Don't try and force solutions, it doesn't work. Seek the answers but let them come to you. I'm at a crossroads too. But I can't force the answers to come. They'll show themselves when I am most ready to receive them. So I must not be ready yet. That's okay.
This is a time when you have to be extra gentle with yourself. Don't think you have to be super woman. Just be you. That's super enough. If you feel like letting the dishes go for a day, go ahead. It doesn't make you less than you are. It makes you human. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
