The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Sponsorship was a topic for tonight's meeting and since no one shared on it, I thought I would post a topic on it. I have been doing a lot of reading in the ODAAT in Al-Anon and Courage to Change, mediation books on this topic. It is a very important one and one that shouldn't be taken lightly if you are asked to sponsor someone or if you are the one doing the asking.
Sometimes coming out of dysfunctional alcoholic homes we are scared to share personal information with anyone. A sponsor can be a real asset in a time like this. If we choose wisely and ask our Higher Power to guide us on our choice it can be a very rewarding experience.
I know my first sponsor was just such a person. I knew the first time I saw her in a meeting that she was the person to sponsor me. I needed someone with a bit of a backbone to stand up to me and one that could be understanding at the same time. I found one that was both. She has weathered many a storm with me and her husband (an active member of AA) has been there for me as well. I can still hear him saying "steady as she goes" Lisa, "steady as she goes". That should be a new al-anon slogan! When she lost her husband to brain cancer in 2004, I lost my sponsor to a move. I still keep in touch with her through phone calls and when she comes back to visit, but I had to chose a new sponsor. The next one was tougher.
I had developed such a "over-developed" view of the woman it was as though I had put her on a pedestal (like it refers to in the August 13 reading in C2C) . I looked to her for all the answers and saw her as my mother, friend, mentor - perfect. No one should put someone else up on a pedestal like that for they are sure to fall (as the reading suggests) I eventually came to understand that her "answers" just came from her experience, strenth and hope that she offered so freely. I did not need to put her on a "pedestal" she was human, with human frailities.
It was because of this "super-human" idea I had of my sponsor that it took me so long to find another one. I was scared to "trust" another as deeply as I had trusted this woman. Through the gracious guidance of my first sponsor I was able to find someone in my home-group to recrown with the "title" of Sponsorship! My old sponsor even said that she thought that this lady and myself might be a better match than she and I had been! I don't know that I have found that to be true or not, but it has been a good fit.
I think for this time in my life I needed someone to go gently on me and let me take the steps again at my own pace. My first sponsor and I had gone through steps 1,2,&3, but I had gotten stuck on step 4. Now my current sponsor is taking the time for us to go through this step together and giving me the time I need to process the very difficult Blueprint for Progress, Al-Anon Fourth Step Inventory Workbook. I am finally reaching near the end.
I think one of the mistakes newcomers can make is to ask too many people their advice on a subject, and getting too many different conflicting answers. (This is a subject discussed on p. 142 in ODAAT in Al-Anon, May 21) If you are able to find one person with time in the program that has similar experieces to you, or that you feel like you can relate to, it's best to keep your most personal secrets with that one person. Keep it Simple.
"Let not my thinking become confused by listening to too many opinions, but let me consider each one individually to see if it can be of help to me." ODAAT p. 142.
I would be interested to hear other's stories and experiences with Sponorship or choosing a sponsor, or being a sponsor. I know there is a helpful pamphlet that Al-anon puts out about being a sponsor that is offered at most f2f meetings that would be helpful to someone looking for a sponsor as well. Read through the readings on Sponsorship in ODAAT and C2C, they were helpful too me also, as I have been asked to sponsor someone on-line, which is a whole other topic for another day! (I prefer f2f sponsors myself.)
Thanks for reading my share and thanks in advance for your responses.
Overcome
__________________
I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
Aloha Overcome...Such a very important subject in our program of recovery. I have never met a person coming into the program who had the ability to trust openly. For me there was no way after being so thoroughly trashed by the disease of alcoholism. I didn't even trust myself because all of the solutions and choices I was making using my trashed brain rebounded as more problems. I never did have a workable solution for my life and what I came to understand was that if I didn't turn my thinking and choices over to others who had already experienced recovery I was a dead man...period. Yes there were thousands in the program who had made great gains in progress and I wanted what they had. I needed to not try to have it all and all at once but to get what I needed from that special person who displayed it by example and that is how I started choosing my own sponsors; by how the program suggested it and by going after the changes I needed most at the time or...the amends, change.
That is how it worked for me. Yes they always had more time than I and it has come to the point where the last sponsor I had did have more time in program and in age and has passed on. The next sponsor I chose lives out of the area and while we always seemed to be on the same page at the same time the relationship wasn't as close as I've liked in during the journey. I love him too and also let him go. I'm not wearing the "Sponsor needed, apply right here" sign around my neck. In my neighborhood there are just a few who have as much time as I have and only one of them is male and 90 miles away (again). So I use the program and HP.
Do I sponsor? yes of course. You cannot keep what you will not give away is a spiritual truth for me. Do I demand that my sponsees' "get it" or "have it" all the time? This is a program of progress not perfection and since I have not reached perfection, don't wear a halo, am not being bowed to or borne to meetings on others shoulders I am also aware that I am just human, a child of God who has always used patience with me. No matter where my sponsees are at the moment, I am available. The Al-Anon declaration does not for me only mean working with a brand new comer. "Let it begin with me also means when I am available...be available and be humble in giving that which saved my live and spirit over the long haul. My recovery has been a "long haul"; sometimes up hill, sometime down, mostly level, serene and full of beauty for which I am deeply grateful.
I believe that you cannot give to another member any less than what was given to you. One of my sponsor (a very very good one) taught me by his example that the best I could ever do was to share whatever I had of myself and not hold back. His name was Bill S. He once came to my aid while suffering the side effects of chemotherapy himself. What cancer didn't get in the end he had ready for me before the end. I have no doubt that I have been blessed thru the sponsorship of others.
I've had a number of sponsors. I know for sure some of them got fed up with my lack of progress and I understand fully they are human. Some people have sponsors for a long time others have a series of them. There are many many interpreations of working the steps and they work for a number of reasons. I don't know anyone who just worked the steps once personally I've heard of them but I don't know them as people I'd work with.
