The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Im new to all of this so am getting my feet wet- glad to have found this board. My husband wants to save our family and get his drinking under control but it is a bumpy road and he has been in therapy about 6 weeks. We have a LOT of underlying stress (child with cancer) that has caused him to progress from a casual weekend drinker to an alcoholic.
I am interested in attending Alanon meetings and have looked up where they are in my area. I have a few logistical questions though...
Im still unsure whether alanon is right for me but I know there is only one way to find out. Are there any meetings for young parents esp where they could bring their kids? I have an 8 month old and a 4 yo and I don't have access to a babysitter. This seems weird to me to show up to a 1st meeting with kids in tow who may need a lot of attention. DO any of them have babysitting etc or where everyone brings their kids so its not disruptive?
Also- I have heard with AA that people find a meeting that works for them and generally stick with that meeting. Is that true with Alanon? So do people usually try out a variety of meeting times until they find the right group?
I am uncomfortable with a lot of attention on me- what happens when you tell them its your first meeting? Do you have to talk or can you just watch/listen? Id like to be an observer at first and do not want to be thrust into having to explain my life story if I am not ready to.
Last question- I live in a metropolitan area with tons of meeting options everyday. Is it best to go to meetings outside of the town where you live?
Hi there, and welcome to MIP.... I will try to answer your questions, to the best of my ability....
Yes, Al-Anon works much like AA - wherever possible, particularly in bigger areas - you can choose a meeting that "feels" right for you....
With respect to the babysitting question - there are "some" meetings that provide child-minding - I'd encourage you to call the contact numbers that are typically provided with the meeting info, and they can most likely tell you which ones do this....
Glad you're choosing recovery for yourself, and a combination of Al-Anon, supported by posting at boards such as MIP, is a great start....
Take care Tom
p.s. one other point - the "three C's" remind us that we didn't Cause, can't Cure, and can't Control our A's drinking... the same holds true for your child's cancer.... as devastating as that is, it's NOT the reason he drinks.... it is just the excuse to drink....
Keep coming back...
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Hey Joanie! I am new to al-anon and this board also. I've been to two meetings, (and can't wait to go to another) during the first one I chose to just listen in all I had to say is "hi I'm Kristen". This last time I went I really felt like sharing a little bit and although I felt a little nervous, it felt really really nice to share . When you do share you don't have to tell your whole story unless you'd like, afterall everyone who is there has been affected by an addict, so don't feel like you have to explain your situation, just share what your feeling.
I found the readings to be really inspirational and it was sooo good to hear that there are people that are dealing with the same things that have learned to grow.
Maybe you could have your husband watch the kids for a night. My Husband watches our daughter while I go to al-anon and I watch her while he goes to NA.
Good luck! I hope you like the meetings as much as I did. I have so much to learn!
THanks! I am a bit nervous to tell my husband I want to go because he is in counseling but has not committed to going to AA yet. Anyone else have to deal with that - where the A doesn't want to go to AA but you are going to Alanon?. I am not worried about his reaction because going to Alanon is about me, not him- but I am still nervous. I know he will support whatever I want to do but I think it will make him feel so bad that I am going (and his drinking put us here). Not going to change my decision, but he is so fragile right now . Did anyone find that if they went to Alanon first before spouse, that it had an impact on A's interest in going to meetings? (Im not counting on anything, just curious!)
Aloha Joanie!! You do sound nervous...That's okay cause the room don't have a rule as to what condition you come in just as long as you come and with an open mind. The best way to get your questions answered? Go and find out. Yes I was nervous and upset and angry and shy and all the rest of the feelings when I first showed up and yes it took me a while to just "getting there" and not worrying about how they felt or she "my alcoholic" felt about it. You got the part right about it being about you and your healing. We don't give up our options or abilities to make choice when we get there. We are even told when we listen to the sharing of Experiences, Strengths and Hopes to "take what we like and leave the rest." Isn't that freedom? Just get there, stay as long as they keep the door open and get as much literature as you can handle until the next meeting, then get more. Some of us have "home" meetings which are meetings that we regularly go to. We support that meeting, get our sponsors, from that meeting, do other services for that meeting and make the most effort to get to it. Having said that and for me I also know that I should not build a "comfort zone" for myself so I get to the other meetings in the area and even change sitting places from where I normally sit. There is a reason for it for me and in time you might even learn one also.
Keep coming back here also as the doors of MIP never close. (((((hugs)))))
