The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I text him and said "I hope to God that you are getting help - spare me with a violent response - goodbye".
Now I feel bad and set myself up for the fact that he won't respond.
I guess I'm just angry because everyone got to say what they needed to say but me. He said his peace, my family said what they needed to say and I never got to voice my anger.
You know what... you are not stupid... you are human.
We all do things we are proud of... and things that make us shake our heads at ourselves. But you know what, around here it is progress... not perfection. *smile*
Be nice to yourself... and if you want to blast him for the pain you feel, you may want to write the most scathing letter full of all the hurt and anger you have in you... then burn it!
He won't do a thing different based on how you feel anyway... but it might be a good release for you... I did it on a suggestion from someone.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Stupid ?? i dont thnk so . frustrated , angry , disalusioned yes , stupid ! never i understand your dilema , but trust me he wouldnt have listened anyway , but Al-Anons do and we understand . If your not already please find meetings for yourself , people will listen and help u work thru your anger , if you hang on to your anger your only hurting yourself . Louise
I'm just so freakin angry because I did all this xxxx for him. I was there for him when no one else would ever come around to even come see him. I listened to his problems, allowed him to vent, cry whatever he felt. I spent all this damn money on him, over $600, put up with so much, and he just left it as my fault and that Im not helping his situation and what's so messed up about it is, everything was cool until his mother told him he had to leave and if he didn't she would call the cops on him to get him out of her home, and he turned that anger on me, but just before that, we were sitting at his apartment watching movies, laughing, had sex, all of that xxxx and then some and he turned it on me and told me not to contact him.
He treated me like crap, abused me, violated me, and so many negatives and to have the nerve to pull out one thing he THINKS i did, that was trivial compared to what he did to me, makes me so angry and depressed.
Now I feel like I've given him his control back by texting him.
It's like the movie "The Break Up" when Jennifer Aniston was sitting on the bed crying about how she felt after all the time she spent dealing with his xxxx, and not once did he appreciate her.
I feel unappreciated. I feel like I'm being made out to be the bad one and I'm not.
I'm just not.......!
-- Edited by canadianguy on Wednesday 5th of August 2009 10:53:26 AM
Again, Contacting him or checking up on him is self abuse. You won't get what you want from him anyway. Nothing you say is going to change him or make a difference.
The mistake we make is thinking that if we get to say what we want that it changes something. It doesn't. We are still left with the anger and the resentment. THAT is what we need to work on. It's an inside job. It is said that holding on to resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. At some point in the process we have to ask ourselves how the anger and resentment is serving us, since we hold on to it so tightly. When we discover it is harmful to us, that's when we can let it go.
I said "process", meaning this won't happen in a day or a week. Becoming an active Alanon member, attending meetings and working the steps is the fastest way to find serenity. The choice remains yours.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I don't know your whole story, however I dont see you as a "BAD" Anything, I see you as someone trying to do the best she can with what she has to work with...
We all have moments of "Backsliding" were we put ourselves right back in the line of fire, If it was I 'I Would Take the HM Out of him, and make that "I" all about what I Need...
In Recovery I have learned, that I can "WANT" Many things for someone else, I can give them My Wallet, My Heart, My Life but I Can't make them Want it, Love Me, Or Respect what I have done for them, That is in their Charictor alone... In Moments like this I Resight my Serenity Prayer: God Grant Me the SERENITY to Except the Things I CAN NOT CHANGE (HIM), The Courage to Change the things I CAN (ME), and the Wisdom to know the differance...
Great Honest Share, that is what Recovery is all about... Keep up the Good work and Keep coming back...
Take what you like and leave the rest... Friends In Recovery Jozie
What is causing me to linger on this so much than in the past when I would break it off with him is the fact that he took the condom off without my consent and didn't tell me until after he ejaculated, so now I'm having anxiety attacks on what will show up during my doctors appointment Monday.
I feel like he did everything to violate me and is not being punished whatsoever.
I just wanted to let you know you're not dumb, bad, wrong or anything. You're human. :) We all make mistakes.
Can I ask if you want to remain in the headspace you're in now? Do you feel comfortable right now? Or would you like to direct your attention elsewhere?
I just wanted to let you know you're not dumb, bad, wrong or anything. You're human. :) We all make mistakes.
Can I ask if you want to remain in the headspace you're in now? Do you feel comfortable right now? Or would you like to direct your attention elsewhere?
Kristie... I can honestly say that is Def. a Violation, One that I Personally wouldn't put him in the driving seat again to have control over... I will keep you in my Prayers and Pray that Monday is a Good Day for you!!!
Aloha Kristie...I won't answer for Aloha but I believe she was asking if you were in the same attitude? Maybe not...could be wrong and that brings me to what I do now when I find out I have been wrong or have done something in hindsight I felt was wrong. I apologize as quickly as I can without explanation. I just say I'm sorry for what I did or said. Period...off the air.
I've read your posts and feel your pain. Please dont be so hard on yourself your non of those negative things. All of this is very fresh and raw at the moment, no wonder you feel so upset and traumatised. Of course your angry and you want your anguish to recognised, you did not deserve any of this and you have every right to be angry. Be gentle on yourself, dont punish yourself for having feelings.
Have you got support around you? can you get to face 2 face meetings? There are online meetings here twice a day. You need to talk and get those feelings out. I promise you this will pass, it just takes time. Keep the focus on you, take great care of yourself and dont beat yourself up, you are a kind and loving person who has been treated badly that does not make you a bad person. Keep posting and keep coming back your Worth it.
