The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know this is my first weekend without him. But last night I had a hard time, it was like I was going through withdrawals or something, and I wasn't the one who drank. I couldn't sleep, I was hurting all over and shaking.
I haven't heard from him and I'm not calling or contacting him, even though the pit of me wants to know if he's ok.
For me, it was exactly like withdrawl. I was addicted to my ex and so when he and I were thru, I went thru a withdrawl (physically, mentally and spiritually).
If you hang on and pray and keep coming back, you will get thru this and you will never have to withdrawl from him again.
I think when we are apart from the alcoholic, we begin to understand that there is a part of us that was dependent on them. I found in my own situation that when we were apart (either for medical, rehab or trial separation) my denial of the impact of the disease on my life swept in and I developed an imbalanced view that had me dreaming to be together again. My denial was accompanied by a deep and true love for my A that made it very difficult to make any of my choices stick. That's my part of the problem (at least one of them anyway!)
I tried very hard not to be moved from my path/choice in those first early days but to wait until I could see if it would pass.
Kristie, The same thing happens to me. Every 7 days my A Hubby leaves to go offshore. It used to be really bad for me. With alanon, I am learning to take care of myself. Now, when he leaves, I make sure I things to do. On the first day, I have my house cleaned and buy some healthy take out for super and enjoy a good movie. And I just take it from there. ODAT. Take care of yourself.. Sincerely, Tonya
It really helps to know that what I'm feeling is not uncommon. I know I am still weak for him bcause I'm still wondering why he hasn't called, even though logically I know he hasn't called because I don't know of a person who would after my mother and cousin threatened him. I feel like a piece of me has died, yet I can remember how his mood swings would drive me up the wall. It was like I was going up and down with him, having anxiety attacks because I depended on his mood to make me happy and most of the time, he was irritable, made cold and cruel remarks then would call them jokes. It was like he had no heart, then in an instant he would turn into this loving person, which didn't last long and I can say 95% of our relationship was me crying and him not understanding why I was upset and even constantly asking ME "what the hell is wrong with you", even the day after he tried to run us off the beltway. You would think after that I would stay away, but I went right over his house the next day to watch movies. I was traumatized, crying and quiet and he didn't understand what was wrong with me.
I can't get out of my head how he blames me for his problems and is angry because I tried to get friends to intervene, yet he looked at it as me blabbing our business and not keeping his abuse towards me between the two of us.
I feel guilty, though I did everything to try and make the relationship work, his last words were I'm the one NOT trying to make it work, after all I did.
Now I'm going through worrying about him being with someone else and feeling like he'll be nicer to them. I keep feeling like if I were prettier or smaller he would have treat me better.
