The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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I wrote yesterday about the peace I felt when I went on vacation. I want to feel this peace all the time in my life. I did not stick to my boundries again. I said he was to leave on July 31. I gave him a month and I did remind him about that date. It came a went, he started to say I could not afford the bill staying in the house. TRUE I was getting afarid again my son has all his friends come over all the time he does not want to leave his house he is 16 he should not have to The house we live in is my inharitence from my mom. So why should I leave. When it got close to the day he quit drinking, and said he would go to rehab I trusted him. I still want the white picket fence perfect family (far from it) He now started again last night. So here I go again. Now I'm mad at myself fo not sticking to my guns again. I still love him that will not go away. We been through it all, even losing a child. But I can't live with the disease any more to many reminders about growing up and my life now. I did not know then what I do now. 32 years a ago I lived it and it felt normal but not any more I grew up now at 47 . I just keep falling into the same trap. I have to get out. I will pray to my HP for the strength and hope for me. I do go th ACA meetings and Al-Anon meeting. God please help me. Hes not going to change. Why don't I get it. I have to get my head and heart together and do it. I feel like my friends don't understand they all say just leave. Why do you stay. Pretty soon they will go away.
Love & Peace Deb
-- Edited by peacewithin on Sunday 2nd of August 2009 02:39:25 AM
-- Edited by peacewithin on Sunday 2nd of August 2009 03:20:03 AM
-- Edited by peacewithin on Sunday 2nd of August 2009 03:26:55 AM
__________________
I put my hand in yours and together we can do what we could not do alone.
Hi, I agree dont beat yourself up this disease is so cunning it tricks us every time. As you say it seems to know are dreams and desires and plays on these. My ABF used to promise me the world and always let me down. He would stay sober for a while if he thought I was getting strong and going to leave, but he would always drink again because he was not ready to stop he just wanted to keep me around fixig everything, providing the home, love and money etc.
I worked my programme hard and started to focus on the things I could do to make my life better. I loved him but detached from his life. In March this year I attended an Al non conference for the weekend and bang I knew what I needed to do I GOT MY STRENGTH.
I came home and told him I loved him more than anything but he was ill and in denial. I explained I had met the most amazing alcoholics at the conference who were fighting their disease. I explained that it was not fair for me to force him to face things he was not ready to face. I did all this with compassion I did it for me not to change him. I told him I was sicker than him and that I wanted to recover I told him to do this I needed to be around people who were recoverng. I explained I loved him to much to watch him kill him self and I ended the realtioship as I had many many times before.
BUT THIS TIME WAS DIFFERENT.
I knew I couldnt change or help him I knew I needed to focus on me SO I let him go
THen the miricle happened he rang me couple of weeks later he was in AA because he wanted to be. He told me he did not want that life anymore, he has been sober now for 3 months and is doing well. But it is still really hard sobriey does not bring the white picket fence either, I am still struggling to work on my sickness and keep the focus on my recovery.
I hope this help take what you like and leave the rest connect with HP and realise you are doing the best you can.
easy does it deb , your not the only one who has bought into the lies and promises , we see the potential of a sober family and we get hooked in again . first I believe your home is safe as it was an inheritance from your mom , you may want to check with a lawyer first .just to confirm and I agree it should not have to be you leaving the home . If you truly want hsub out of the home u may have to have him removed , make sure u check your motives before you do anything drastic , are u truly done and cannot live this way anymore or are u trying to force a solution ??? Every time we are dissapointed by the alcoholic we become a little stronger and courage starts to build hang in there your gonn be fine . Read our literature especially topics like Boundaries find a page u like and work it til it feels comfortable , when we threaten and don't follow thru , it is just that an idle threat and who knows us better than the alcoholic ??? Trust me when we are firm in our decissions the alcoholic somehow just knows , and change often happens and sometimes not the change we want but things change .......Louise PS . my friends say leave , easy way to fix that is not tell them what is going on in your home , tell your al anon friends they get it , or a sponsor . and remember that an alcoholic will do and say anything to get us off thier back , thus the sober 4 days , I have learned to not count on promises so what people say dosent affect me that much , I watch what they do .
-- Edited by abbyal on Sunday 2nd of August 2009 12:57:42 PM
