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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Another big AHA moment
Post Info TOPIC: Another big AHA moment
RainyJamie


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Another big AHA moment
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He would prefer to be miserable. I don't know why I never saw it before, why I just realized it now...in the middle of a talk about where things went wrong. I clearly remember him choosing to be unhappy-about everything! I would run myself ragged trying to make things right for him and they never were. He doesn't want help, he doesn't want to get better. He likes it when life sucks and that doesn't have to be my problem.

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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
Jerry F


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Aloha RJ...This is where compassion works well.  From my experience "life sucks"
when "life sucks".  When it does I prefer to just hang out with HP.  Wife's okay
but HP is better.

(((((hugs))))) smile

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Lotus


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That's a good aha moment. When they prefer to be miserable, it's like they are afraid that if they show a glimmer of joy or happiness or contentedness, they might lose their excuse to use again, and someone might say See! You didn't need that stuff after all! SO they must NEVER, EVER slip up and be happy for a second as long as anyone's watching in hopes that we will throw up our hands and say Fine! Just go back to drinking! I played that game when I was an addict. You can't sulk forever though. It's not fun at all.



-- Edited by Lotus on Saturday 1st of August 2009 08:49:57 AM

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blender_girl


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Great insight, ((RJ)). In my case, AH's misery feeds his illusion of power and control when it spills over into mine. So when MY life sucks, he feels better. But like you said, his misery does not have to be my problem and I'm choosing to let him keep it.

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nmike


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I could say that about my AHsober. He says it is you, you, you. That's his reality. Can't argue with that. You are right, not my problem.

In support,
Nancy

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RainyJamie


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A big hint for me was how well he took some recent bad news...was almost joyfull. Strange, a little too much psychobabble for me.
I remember showing up at a party with some very old aquaintances who excitedly gathered around to hear what he had been up to. He proceeded to tell them a very detailed story of the drive over in which some "jerk" rode right up him for miles and how there's never a cop around when you need one. Just a genuinely unhappy person.

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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
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